


The Shitty Overwatch Friend Chat Fic

by sabercrystal



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ana is Crystal (Female), D.Va is Ezra (Male), Genji is Gerder (Male), Hanzo is Justice (Male), Junkrat is Jake (Male), McCree is Ale (Male), Morrison is Ed (Male), Multi, Pharah is Ryan (Male), Reaper is Ale (Male), Reinhardt is Jake (Male), Symmetra is Colin (Male), Tracer is Josh (Male), Widowmaker is Sam (Male), chatfic, especially if we were in it, friend fic, i think we get the idea that they're all male, my friends as overwatch characters, overwatch is a mess, yes im crystal the author, yes im overpowered, yes some of them take two roles because it's funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8908660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabercrystal/pseuds/sabercrystal
Summary: The recall happened a bit ago, and the year is 2056.  If I got my facts wrong, well that sucks!  And who cares?  There's only a chat that everyone uses for shits and giggles and sometimes emergencies.
Ana is overpowered.  McCree is gay.  Hanzo is also gay.
Some gender swaps (from female to male) because they're based on my friends so deal with it.
<3





	1. Remember when...

**[JOSH] created [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**[JOSH] added [JAKE], [EDWARD], [ALEJANDRO], [CRYSTAL], [RYAN], [SAM], [EZRA], [COLIN], [GERARDO], and [JUSTICE] to [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**JOSH:** :D

 

**JOSH:** oh wait

 

**[JOSH] changed nickname to [the CAVALRYYY!]**

 

**The CAVALRYYY!:** there we go :D

 

**[JAKE], [EDWARD], [ALEJANDRO], [CRYSTAL], [RYAN], [SAM], [EZRA], [COLIN], [GERARDO], and [JUSTICE] joined [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**CRYSTAL:** ew

 

**[CRYSTAL] changed nickname to [AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** perfect

 

**JAKE:** lol

 

**[JAKE] changed nickname to [Renhard]**

 

**[SAM] changed nickname to [HON HON BAGUETTE]**

 

**[EZRA] changed nickname to [THE D. (va) (penis)]**

 

**[ALEJANDRO] changed nickname to [xXProReapsXx]**

 

**[RYAN] changed nickname to [Furah]**

 

**[GERARDO] changed nickname to [Gengu]**

 

**[JUSTICE] changed nickname to [Hanzoff]**

 

**[COLIN] changed nickname to [SYMMETER]**

 

**[the CAVALRYYY!] made [AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH], [Gengu], and [Furah] admin of [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] changed [EDWARD]’s nickname to [PAPPY69]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** :3

 

**PAPPY69:** haha, very funny.

 

**PAPPY69:** wait, why don’t I have permissions to change my nickname?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** mother knows best.

 

**PAPPY69:** dammit crys- i mean mom  >.>

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** damn straight.

 

**PAPPY69:** remember when they thought we were dead?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** lol yea

 

**PAPPY69:** where the fuck is reaps at

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_You called?_**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** edgy even in your chat?  wanna attempt killing us again?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I’m in the kitchen if @PAPPY69 wants to try._**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** what about me?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Mama you know why I don’t try to kill you._**

 

**Gengu:** there has to be a story behind this.

 

**Hanzoff:** I’m also curious.

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** wait when did we start calling crystal mom?

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** why isn’t the rest of the team in this chat?

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** uhmmm this is a friendly chatroom with friends, ye?  the others are uhh, difficult to deal with?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH: @the CAVALRYYY!** doesnt want the others to be here unless they prove they’re as wonderfully memetastic as us ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** ^ ye somethin like that!

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** they call me mom because i am mom, isn’t that right  **@Furah** ?

 

**Furah:** …

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** what’s this chat for?

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** for fun!

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** oh, makes sense.  did anybody see america #2 anywhere?

 

**Hanzoff:** ???

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** he means mccree

 

**Gengu:** oh

 

**Hanzoff:** oh

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** oh

 

**Renhard:** oh

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** oh

 

**PAPPY69:** oh

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_oh_**

 

**SYMETTER:** oh

 

**Furah:** oh

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** america #1 is  **@PAPPY69** , weeb #1 is  **@Hanzoff** , weeb #2 is  **@Gengu** , emo is  **@xXProReapsXx** , mom is me, and actually i dunno i’m making shit up at this point lmao but america #1 is the commander and america #2 is mccree

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** also you should be able to change your nickname now ed.

 

**PAPPY69:** nah, i’ll embrace it.  call me papa or dad.

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** i love overwatch

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** america #1 and i are not together but im still mom and he’s dad and if you ship us i’ll sleep dart you

 

**Gengu:** oh fuck, i would rather not go through that again

 

**Hanzoff:** What’s wrong with her sleep darts?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** would you like a demonstration?

 

**Gengu:** ...on hanzo?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yes.

 

**Gengu:** yes

 

**Hanzoff:** I mean, I don’t get it.

 

**[Hanzoff] went idle.**

 

**Gengu:** LMAO

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** satisfied?

 

**Gengu:** haHAHAH absolutely

 

**Renhard:** what happened?

 

**Renhard:** why is Ms. Ziegler screaming at mom?

 

**Renhard:** it’s been 12 seconds and everyone is quiet

 

**Renhard:** she sleep darted Ms. Ziegler

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** welp, time to go back into hiding~ BYE KIDS

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** WAIT

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] has left [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** BUT THEY’RE ALREADY AWAKE AND MERCY ISN’T MAD ANYMORE

 

**PAPPY69:** already on it tracer.

  
  
  


**HON HON BAGUETTE:** i found her monsieur buying about 20 packs of gummy bears in the market next door.

 

**Renhard:** can anybody explain why it took a professional assassin to find mom who was next door and couldn’t be found for an entire day?

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] joined [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i hid in the basement all those years ago and dad hid in the attic

 

**PAPPY69:** ^

 

**Renhard:** somehow I’m not surprised.

 

**Gengu:** that explains why we were missing so much food

 

**PAPPY69:** yeah amari took all the sweets and i took most of the meat raw

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** _ oh _

 

**Renhard:** interesting.

 

**Direct message with [SYMMETER] and [PAPPY69]**

 

**SYMMETER:** dude nice

 

**PAPPY69:** ???

 

**SYMMETER:** you were getting all the raw meat were you not?

 

**PAPPY69:** why is this ‘nice’?

 

**SYMMETER:** getting laid?  when you were dead?

 

**PAPPY69:** OH FUCJ

 

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**PAPPY69:** JESUS HOLY FUCK THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT BY MEAT RAW I MEANT I STOLE THE MEAT FROM THE FRIDGE AND ATE IT WITHOUT COOKING IT

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** lmao you finally show your true colors morrison

 

**SYMMETER:** Well now I’m just disappointed.

 

**PAPPY69:** i like meat.

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] pinned [PAPPY69: i like meat.]**

 

**[Gengu] pinned** **[PAPPY69: yeah amari took all the sweets and i took most of the meat raw]**

 

**PAPPY69:** i hate you guys

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** we love you too

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I ship it._ **

 

**[xXProReapsXx] went idle.**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** we discussed this

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** lol

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** we don't ship mom and dad,  _ remember? _

 

**Hanzoff:** i can hear father laughing from across the base.

 

**PAPPY69:** hAHAHA MOM YOURE GREAT

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i know

 

**Gengu:** sleep darts from mom is frightening.  even puts dva’s MECH to sleep.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i'm gifted

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** hey anybody wanna play games?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** ugh, gimme a minute i'm still groggy

 

**Renhard:** that was surprisingly fast.

 

**Gengu:** we can tell by your lack of proper punctuation and edgy bold italic text.


	2. 'Tis but a scratch!

**Furah:** Mother!  I require healing!

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** I got you.

 

**Furah:** Watch out!

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** are you two alright?

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] went idle.**

 

**[Furah] went idle.**

 

**Gengu:** that doesn't sound good.

 

**Renhard:** what mission are they on?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_The Talon scouting mission._ **

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** _ Without you or Widow? _

 

**Gengu:** don't you think we should add the rest of the overwatch team here?  it'd be a lot easier to get in contact with them.

 

**PAPPY69:** Here, I’ll make a new server.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Dios mío, nos vamos a morir._ **

  
  
  


**[EDWARD] created [Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**[EDWARD] changed nickname to [SOLDIER:76]**

 

**[SOLDIER:76] added [CRYSTAL], [JOSH], [COLIN], [GERARDO], [JAKE], [RYAN], [JUSTICE], [EZRA], [ALEJANDRO], [SAM], [MEI], [ANGELA], [TORBJÖRN], [JAMISON], [MAKO], [LÚCIO], [TEKARTHA], [ALEKSANDRA], [WINSTON], [BASTION], [SOMBRA], and [JESSE]**

 

**[SOLDIER:76] changed nicknames:**

**[CRYSTAL] - [ANA]**

**[JOSH] - [TRACER]**

**[COLIN] - [SYMMETRA]**

**[GERARDO] - [GENJI]**

**[JAKE] - [REINHARDT]**

**[RYAN] - [PHARAH]**

**[JUSTICE] - [HANZO]**

**[EZRA] - [D.VA]**

**[ALEJANDRO] - [REAPER]**

**[SAM] - [WIDOWMAKER]**

**[ANGELA] - [MERCY]**

**[JAMISON] - [JUNKRAT]**

**[MAKO] - [ROADHOG]**

**[TEKARTHA] - [ZENYATTA]**

**[ALEKSANDRA] - [ZARYA]**

**[JESSE] - [MCCREE]**

 

**20 users entered [Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**MERCY:** Interesting.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** This is for emergency use  _ only. _  We have an issue regarding Ana and Pharah.

 

**JUNKRAT:** OI, WHAT’S HAPPENIN?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** We received a distress message from them both as they're on a Talon scouting mission.

 

**2 users entered [Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**ANA:** yo this is new

 

**ANA:** oh fuck right,  _ we need help _

 

**MEI:** Where are you? D:

 

**ANA:** take a wild guess

 

**ANA:** IM OUT OF SLEEP DARTS

 

**PHARAH:** Mom, you’re forgetting the fact that one of the Talon operatives blew up our mode of transportation.

 

**ANA:** reyes pick us up

 

**REAPER:** **_What?  No._ **

 

**ANA:** _ What did you say to me? _

 

**PHARAH:** Never say no to mom.

 

**TRACER:** ^

 

**GENJI:** I think Symmetra can give them a ride.

 

**ANA:** can you?

 

**SYMMETRA:** Yes.

 

**HANZO:** I find it odd that Ana is the only operative not using proper capitalization and punctuation.

 

**ANA:** when you see me use proper capitalization and punctuation you should be afraid.

 

**HANZO:** Noted.

 

**MERCY:** Do you require assistance?

 

**ANA:** nah

 

**PHARAH:** Yes, mother is bleeding profusely and support would be welcome.

 

**ANA:** i ain't no pussy ass bitch

 

**PHARAH:** Mother.

 

**ANA:** fine

 

**LÚCIO:** Was Ana always like this?

 

**REINHARDT:** Yes.

 

**GENJI:** Yes.

 

**TRACER:** Yep!

 

**LÚCIO:** Overwatch is great.

 

**SYMMETRA:** On my way with Mercy.

 

**ANA:** thanks meng

 

**SYMMETRA:** No problem.

 

**ANA:** this chat is way too fucking formal for me, i’ll see y'all back at base

 

**MEI:** I’m currently at Lijiang Tower working on settling disputes between factions.

 

**SOMBRA:** I’m on a mission undercover in a classified area.  Morrison knows.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Indeed I do.

 

**REAPER:** **_She’s going to whoop my ass, isn't she._ **

 

**GENJI:** From personal experience, yes, but not literally.  That'd be weird.

 

**SYMMETRA:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**REINHARDT:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**HANZO:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**MCCREE:** Y’all are weird.

 

**ANA:** says america #2

 

**MCCREE:** ???

 

**ANA:** _ says the cowboy _

 

**MCCREE:** :l

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Ana can you at least PRETEND to be a professional in this server?

 

**ANA:** أبدا

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I… forget it.

 

**ANA:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**SOLDIER:76: @MERCY** You shouldn’t heal Ana until she learns to be more responsible.

 

**MERCY:** …

 

**MERCY:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**SOLDIER:76:** God dammit.

  
  


**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** the other chat is ridiculously formal even for me

 

**Furah:** i agree, holy shit

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** told you

 

**PAPPY69:** you're gonna let him swear?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** WE BOTH HELLA OLD WHY WOULD I SCOLD MY KID FOR SWEARING

 

**Gengu:** Jesse said fuck

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** brb

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] went idle.**

 

**Gengu:** lmao she's chasing jesse and he has no idea why

 

**Renhard:** nice

 

**Gengu:** hey  **@Hanzoff** you should go save your boyfriend

 

**Hanzoff:** Ok.

 

**Gengu:** wait what

 

**Gengu:** HOLY SHIT HE TOOK THE SLEEP DART FOR JESSE THATS SO GAY

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i knew it

 

**Gengu:** SEND THE PICS YOURE TAKING

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** k ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** mom do we still have cookies in the secret room

 

**Gengu:** secret room?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** well it's not so secret anymore, and yes.

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** cool thanks

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** genji if you so much as try to stalk dva i will sleep dart you.

 

**Gengu:** yes ma’am o.o

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** these cookies are good

 

**Gengu:** wait why do they get access to the secret room?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** furries only.

 

**Gengu:** but i'm…

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh?  are you a  _ furry _ genji?

 

**Gengu:** the secret room is  _ furries _ only?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yes

 

**Gengu:** i'm a furry

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] pinned [Gengu: i’m a furry]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** ahahahaa that’s great man welcome to the club

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** the secret room is actually my side kitchen in my room, go nuts boi

 

**Gengu:** holy shit wtf mom there’s so much stuff in here

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i know right?  I started saving up for stuff like 10 years ago so i can have this shit

 

**Gengu:** like your ‘side kitchen’ is a mini MOVIE THEATER I WANT THIS

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** cant you like… steal from your family?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** and by family i mean the Shimada Clan’s shit?  because your brother is cool, don’t steal from him, but isnt the shimadas rich or whatever

 

**Gengu:** holy shit

 

**Gengu:** mom you’re a genius

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i know :3

 

**Gengu:** hows your injuries, by the way?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** what injuries?

 

**Gengu:** you know when… you were bleeding profusely?  like ryan said… and what happened?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh yeah that, super rad btw i got a new scar on my leg but its a reminder that i nearly sleep darted the entire talon base lmao

 

**Gengu:** okay how many sleep darts did you have and how many talon operatives were there?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i had 100 sleep darts, and there were 125 talon operatives there

 

**Gengu:** you got  _ all of them? _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** all but 25, didnt you count?

 

**Gengu:** but

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i never miss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: im getting 'inspiration' from other chatfics that i loved to read so when that comes up don't be surprised. look under overwatch and go under the tags 'chatfic' and read ALL OF THOSE!!!
> 
> like they're really good and i love reading them.
> 
> kbai


	3. Reaper is a Pussy

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**MCCREE:** Has anyone seen Genji or Hanzo lately?

 

**MEI:** No, sorry!

 

**WINSTON:** Are they missing?

 

**MCCREE:** Yeah, I can’t find them anywhere.

 

**WINSTON:** It seems that Reinhardt and Ana are missing as well.

 

**D.VA:** They’re getting drunk in a remote undetectable country with no signal.

 

**ZARYA:** Remote undetectable country?

 

**D.VA:** Like the Bermuda Triangle or something.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Oh, they’re on the island.

 

**REAPER:** Wanna go, Morrison?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Sure.

 

**MCCREE:** Hey, what about us?  And what island?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** That’s classified.

 

**WINSTON:** I am also confused.  There’s a remote undetectable island country with no signal like or in the Bermuda Triangle?

 

**REAPER:** It’s a vacation spot.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** _ Reyes! _

 

**REAPER:** It’s fine, they don’t know where it is.  It’s reserved for furries anyway.

 

**WINSTON:** Was… that… what?  I’M A FUCKING ANIMAL WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S ‘RESERVED FOR FURRIES’???!?   I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF AN OVERWATCH VACATION SPOT!!!

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Great.  You made the monkey angry.

 

**WINSTON:** I’m not a monkey, I’m a scientist.

 

**D.VA:** Overwatch confuses me.

 

**ANA:** same tbh

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Ana?  Aren’t you on the island with Rein, Hanzo, and Genji?

 

**ANA:** yea lol

 

**SOLDIER:76:** There shouldn’t be any sort of signal to even talk in this chat.

 

**ANA:** dude we found out genji’s cyborg body is a wifi hotspot

 

**SOLDIER:76:** What.

 

**REAPER:** Are you coming or not?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Now that I have that info, I’m MORE than happy to go.

 

**WINSTON:** Leaving us out?

 

**TRACER:** ^ :(

 

**ANA:** hey, furries only.

 

**REAPER:** ^

 

**ANA:** that and we’re also partially on a job that’s classified for rein and myself.  i brought genji and hanzo for an extra needed hand in case something goes wrong and no, i won’t give our locations but reyes and morrison are gladly invited for the after party after we settle this shit.

 

**REAPER:** This is fine.

 

**PHARAH:** Mother, be careful.  Remember the last time you went on a mission without us knowing your location?

 

**ANA:** lol yea i ‘died’ and hid in the basement

 

**MERCY:** You hid in the base’s basement?

 

**ANA:** did you not read what i just typed?

 

**MERCY:** I see.

 

**ANA:** anyways, nothing can kill me because im an outright badass so لا تقولوا لي ماذا أفعل.

 

**ANA:** _ shit.   _ gotta go.  later!

 

**MCCREE:** Aren’t they a little  _ old  _ to be taking classified missions that are supposedly that dangerous?

 

**REINHARDT:** No.

 

**REINHARDT:** Ana told me to tell you all that she’s busy at the moment and… I quote, “SHIMADA DRAGONS ARE FUCKING AWESOME WHEN THEY TEAR INTO FLESH.”

 

**REINHARDT:** That is all.

 

**REAPER:** Should we expect unwanted guests?

 

**REINHARDT:** Expect corpses.  Also I don’t exactly indulge killing, but it’s very fun.

 

**JUNKRAT:** OI, I KNOW ROITE?  ROADIE AND I DID A LOT O’ THAT ON OUR LAST MISSION!  EY  **@ROADHOG** , AIN’T THAT ROITE?

 

**ROADHOG:** ...Yes.

 

**HANZO:** I’m taking a break from killing these people.  They annoy me.

 

**GENJI:** Actually, watching Ana and Reinhardt fight is a lot more entertaining.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Actually, the dragons were a lot cooler.

 

**GENJI:** How would you know that?

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** I followed you.

 

**ANA:** yo i’m in the middle of something but widow can you shoot the six guys up top?  i cant see them from my angle.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Oui.

 

**GENJI:** Damn.  Those are good shots.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Merci.

 

**ANA:** shit genji turn off the wifi they’re trying to get into our communicators

 

**GENJI:** Okay.

 

**[ANA], [GENJI], [HANZO], [WIDOWMAKER], and [REINHARDT] went idle.**

 

**WINSTON:** That doesn’t sound like a vacation.

 

**REAPER:** Trust me.  To those five plus Morrison and I, it’s a vacation.

 

**[SOLDIER:76] and [REAPER] went idle.**

  
  


**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**Gengu:** we’re home bois

 

**Hanzoff:** That was fun.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** hell yea it was

 

**Renhard:** dude we killed like, so many people

 

**Gengu:** lol yea

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** it was a lot more fun when dad and edgy came

 

**PAPPY69:** i'm gonna have to agree

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Same_ **

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** how many people did you even kill?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** well people i'd have to say around 300, and omnics around the 1k mark

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** o.o  with only the six of you?

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** hey

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** sorry, the seven of you?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yea

 

**SOMBRA:** qué es esto?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** the cancer chat

 

**SOMBRA:** I see.

 

**SOMBRA:** madre de dios, why is morrison ‘PAPPY69’?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Lee la mierda de arriba._ **

 

**SOMBRA:** porqué no hablas más español?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_No quieres saber._ **

 

**SOMBRA:** ...that's probably for the best.  i'll leave your cancer chat to yourselves.

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] changed [SOMBRA]’a nickname to [puta desafortunada]**

 

**puta desafortunada:** ???

 

**puta desafortunada:** wait why can't i change my nickname?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i learned to hack from dvas fanbase of mostly 12 year olds

 

**puta desafortunada:** that's impossible, and how do you know spanish?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh i know like four languages.  japanese, english, arabic, and spanish.  fite me puta

 

**puta desafortunada:** i'm too impressed to fite you, mamá.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** gracias mija, im a woman of many talents.

 

**Hanzoff:** so those conversations i have with genji… you listen to them?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** hai

 

**Hanzoff:** oh fuck.

 

**Gengu:** i thought you knew this anija

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh also i found out that half of the people who said they're furries aren't furries and i'm disappointed.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_shit_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** ...well more than half

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_double shit_ **

 

**PAPPY69:** lol

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** youre one of them dad

 

**PAPPY69:** shit

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i know that dva and widow are furries because i've seen their fetishes, and genji is kind of one?  hanzo is too from the sound of their japanese rambling when he apparently thought i didn't understand.

 

**Hanzoff:** shit

 

**Gengu:** i'm not proud of my admitting of being a furry but it has hella perks so imma embrace it

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** thats the spirit

 

 **AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** rein and edgy are in a call together.  I wonder what they’re talking about

 

**Transcript Conversation Between [Renhard] and [xXProReapsXx]**

 

**Renhard:** [THIS IS SO DIFFICULT]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_I KNOW RIGHT?_ ** **]**

 

**Renhard:** [HOW DO YOU EVEN PLAY THIS]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_I HAVE NO IDEA_ ** **]**

 

**Renhard:** [IT’S SO FAST HOW DO THEY EVEN PLAY THIS]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ANA AND TRACER CAN DO IT THEN SO CAN I_ ** **]**

 

**Renhard:** [Okay, you know that’s not true.]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_Yeah..._ ** **]**

 

**Renhard:** [osu! should be a banned game.]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [hey guys]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_Jesus Christ!_ ** **]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [no, sadly i am not the lord almighty that you americans speak about]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [what are you guys talking about?]

 

**Renhard:** [Nothing.]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [ _ What did you say to me? _ ]

 

**Renhard:** [...I...mean… we were having trouble with this old game you and Tracer play.]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [what game?]

 

**xXProReapsXx: [** **_osu_ ** **]**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [lmao it doesnt even sound edgy when you type like that.  and osu is a game of skill and eye coordination and speed and... well you just get used to it after a while.  I bet i would be even suckier than you guys starting out.]

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** [Heya!]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [isn’t that perfect timing? your status just changed to playing osu, thats hilarious.]

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** [Oh, are they trying to play it?]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [whats your usernames? im gonna spectate you]

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** [I’d watch but I wanted to play maybe some Taiko or Mania.]

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** [eh, i’ll play until you tell me your username since you’re muted.]

 

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**Gengu:** oh they’re all playing osu

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I don’t understand how the fuck they_ ** **_see_ ** **_that shit._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** that was fun

 

**Gengu:** was it though?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yeah and then my eyes started to literally burn

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** whoops i meant eye*

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** how you lived is beyond me

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** you cant kill me, im mom

 

**Furah:** ^

 

**Renhard:** couldn’t you ask winston for an enhanced cyber eye?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i  _ could _ , but ehhhh i dunno.  hey  **@Gengu** what is it like with cyber vision

 

**Gengu:** huh? oh i browse social media and do internet things with my ‘cyber vision’ i guess most of the time, plus i think they can make it scope in

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i gotta ask him if a cybernetic eye would be able to have a wifi hotspot like genjis bod

 

**Gengu:** its pretty cool and convenient honestly

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** id keep the eyepatch because i look like a badass and a pirate at the same time

 

**PAPPY69:** never change, ana.  never change.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** whats a ‘change’ lol

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I should ask Winston if there’s some mechanical bullshit that’ll keep me planted in the land of the living like Tracer’s chrono-accelerator._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** dude, you’re an edgy motherfucker that can turn into mist and practically kill big ass tanks with a few shots and you’re like a super shadowy mystery of death.  how is that NOT COOL?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_SHIT U RIGHT_ **

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_but it’s painful living this way._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** suck it up i go thru worse

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I highly doubt that._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** im not a badass bitch for nothing

 

**puta desafortunada:** MIERDA DO  _ NOT  _ COMPARE PAIN WITH ANA’S IM SURE IT’S FAR WORSE THAN YOURS

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** I’m calling Winston to get the pain comparison simulator.

 

**puta desafortunada:** _ she used proper capitalization reyes.  you’re fucked _

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I’m gonna take up her challenge to see whose pain is worse.  Being ripped from reality stuck between life and death or her bickering of ‘pain’._ **

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] went idle.**

 

**[xXProReapsXx] went idle.**

 

**puta desafortunada:** dios mio,  **@PAPPY69** prepare the funeral

 

**PAPPY69:** oh my god reaper you’re so dead

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**ANA: @WINSTON @MERCY** get the pain comparison simulator.  imma prove to tall dark and edgy that his pain isnt anything compared to my daily living.

 

**WINSTON:** Oh, Reyes... 

 

**MERCY:** Sorry to say but,  **@REAPER** you’re fucked.

 

**REAPER:** **_I’M SURE I GO THROUGH WORSE PAIN THAN HER, SHE SEEMS SO UNAFFECTED IF SHE GOES THROUGH_ ** **_ANY_ ** **_PAIN._ **

 

**REINHARDT:** No, you’re screwed.

 

**WINSTON: @everyone** You may want to get some noise cancelling headphones.

 

**ANA:** ^ because reyes is gonna be screaming like a little bitch

 

**WINSTON:** I have it ready.

 

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**Gengu:** i never thought i could hear a raspy deep voice sound like such a little girl holy shit

 

**PAPPY69:** like  _ everyone  _ warned him.

 

**Gengu:** i forgot who challenged her to a pain competition before

 

**Gengu:** besides me because that was traumatic.  thats how i got over  **@Hanzoff** killing me.

 

**Hanzoff:** i believe it was morrison if i recall correctly

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** he didnt come out of his room for a month

 

**PAPPY69:** i dont know how she’s alive with that shit

 

**Gengu:** is he crying?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yes

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i kinda feel bad now

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** nevermind im over it

 

**xXProReapsXx:** how...what...you...YOU’RE SO…  **_YOU’RE EDGIER THAN I AM_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** nah you’re #1 edgelord

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_How do you even deal with that kind of pain 24/7?_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** mmmmmmagic.  and like years of being dead and having to deal with it

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** when i shot her in the eye she didn’t even flinch.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** widow is the only one that knows that i was alive the whole time but kept it secret because i practically disappeared from the face of the earth

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** in the basement

 

**PAPPY69:** so she didn’t want people to know she failed but lied about it?

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** Oui.  pretty much

 

**Hanzoff:** savage

 

**Hanzoff:** if it wasnt for ana and her high tolerance of pain, i wouldnt have been able to properly make up with my brother.

 

**Gengu:** BROTHA

 

**Hanzoff:** BROTHA

 

**Gengu:** we’re in sync

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** ana fixed a lot of relationships honestly

 

**Renhard:** she really did.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Let’s do a headcount._ **

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** there’s widow and me after that assassination on mondatta

 

**PAPPY69:** there’s reaper and i after the explosion incident

 

**Gengu:** then theres my brother and i

 

**Hanzoff:** and me and mccree

 

**Gengu:** gay

 

**Furah:** ^

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** dont forget pharmercy

 

**Furah:** _ Mother! _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i totally hooked you up though

 

**Furah:** ...fine, i’ll admit it.

 

**Furah:** i'm dating angela.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_ayy congrats._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** ayy you're not crying or in fear anymore

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** i saw him flinch at those words

 

**PAPPY69:** he has every right to be scared of mom

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_where are you that you would be able to see me flinch?_ **

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** in your closet

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_why are you in my closet_ **

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** searching for furry porn, but i guess you aren't a furry  _ huh. _

 

**Gengu:** ooooh burn

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_might as well delve deep into the pits of hell.  come out and you can use my laptop for your furry porn shit.  just make sure adblock is on._ **

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** Merci.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_i'm gonna just… go and… kill people._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** can i come?

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** he flinched again

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_iiiiiiiiii’m gonna go now_ **

 

**[xXProReapsXx] went idle.**

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** awww

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** you tried

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH: @Gengu** wanna see me get a cool cybernetic eye enhancement with a possible wifi hotspot?

 

**Gengu:** yeah sure


	4. the ball pit that everyone forgets about

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**ANA:** we have an emergency

 

**WINSTON:** What happened?

 

**ANA:** reinhardt got stuck in a ball pit

 

**TRACER:** How is that an emergency?

 

**ANA:** you dont understand, we cant find him in the ball pit

 

**GENJI:** What ball pit?

 

**ANA:** …

 

**HANZO:** There’s a ball pit in the base?

 

**ANA:** well i mean NOW there is

 

**ANA:** he just jumped in and now we can’t find him

 

**GENJI:** How big is the ball pit?

 

**ANA:** _ very _

 

**GENJI:** That doesn’t help.

 

**ANA:** morrison, reyes, and i were just fuckin around with a bunch of balls we ordered online, but we ordered too much and now we cant find rein

 

**MERCY:** He’s very big and hard to miss… where is this ball pit?

 

**ANA:** oh right, it’s in the basement where i hid

 

**GENJI:** We’re coming now.

 

**ANA:** ummmm meet me and morrison on the first floor

 

**WINSTON:** Oh my.

 

**GENJI:** The  _ entire basement  _ is the ball pit?

 

**ANA:** yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah

 

**HANZO:** That’s a lot of balls.

 

**[SOLDIER:76] pinned [HANZO: That’s a lot of balls.]**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I know I said this was for emergencies only but that sentence made me laugh a little too hard.

 

**REAPER:** **_Same._ **

 

**WINSTON:** I didn’t know the basement was even this big.  Then again I’ve never actually BEEN in the basement before…

 

**ANA:** this used to be the hangout spot for ‘dead’ people

 

**REAPER:** **_Even I came to visit Ana with Morrison._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Good times.

 

**ANA:** they wouldn’t dare try to kill each other with me around.

 

**REAPER:** **_Yeah…_ **

 

**ANA:** still we were vigilantes, unlike edgy ‘imma work for talon’ boy

 

**ANA:** sorry widow and sombra

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** No harm done.

 

**SOMBRA:** Technically I fake worked for Talon.

 

**ANA:** riiiight.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Are you even human, Ana?

 

**ANA:** i mean honestly idk anymore, but i got a sweet cyber eye with wifi now thanks to winston

 

**REINHARDT:** Hello?  I managed to make a pocket to see the screen of my communicator.  I’m still in the ball pit.

 

**ANA:** oh right i forgot lol

 

**GENJI:** I already jumped in and am searching.

 

**JUNKRAT:** OI, CAN’T WE JUST BLOW IT UP?

 

**ANA:** i mean…

 

**WINSTON:** No.

 

**ANA:** aww why not

 

**WINSTON:** You know this building isn't structurally sound from the basement.

 

**SYMMETRA:** I believe I can help with that.

 

**ANA:** oh yeeeah he can vaporize stuff and… stuff

 

**SYMMETRA:** Precisely.

 

**HANZO:** I have a better idea.

 

**SYMMETRA:** Oh?

 

**HANZO:** Why don't we take the balls, and teleport them somewhere else?

 

**SOMBRA:** Dios mío, that's a great idea.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** I have an idea of where to teleport all the balls.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I’m sorry I'm laughing too hard at the mention of balls every 5 seconds

 

**ANA:** so immature 

 

**SOLDIER:76:** But you got a bunch of BALLS for a BALL PIT and have A FUCKING FURRY ONLY ROOM.

 

**ANA:** Are you questioning me?  I’m mom.  I do what I want.

 

**HANZO:** It is not wise to piss off mom.

 

**GENJI:** You and Reyes have a knack for getting on mom’s bad side.

 

**MCCREE:** She harasses me and I don't even know why!

 

**ANA:** you exist

 

**MCCREE:** D:

 

**ANA:** youre like my second child.  i'm REQUIRED to harass you.  ask  **@PHARAH** .

 

**PHARAH:** ...Yes mom I understand the ‘perks’ of being your child.

 

**MCCREE:** And what would those perks be, exactly?

 

**ANA:** ryan explain.

 

**PHARAH:** Well if you don't piss her off somehow you get a lot of free shit, including having access to the ‘furry only’ rooms and vacation spots and don't have to be a furry to access them.

 

**MCCREE:** What’s with the furry stuff anyway?

 

**ANA:** a wonderful joke back in my day.  openly furry peoples are welcome in my den anyday.

 

**MCCREE:** Does being gay count?

 

**ANA:** we already know you’re fucking hanzo, jesse

 

**HANZO:** _ ANA! _

 

**ANA:** yes?

 

**HANZO:** ... _ You’re ruthless… _

 

**ANA:** no, i'm ana

 

**HANZO:** …

 

**MCCREE:** Well, shucks.  I don't think the whole group needed to know that.

 

**MERCY:** I found it quite interesting.

 

**GENJI:** I found Reinhardt but I have no idea where I am.

 

**ANA:** whoops i forgot about them again

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** I brought Symmetra to place her teleporter.  Get the balls ready.

 

**REAPER:** **_No.  Widow you wouldn’t._ **

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** I would and I shall.

 

**ANA:** where are you?

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Reaper’s old cozy Talon base he ran himself.

 

**ANA:** pm me the exact location.

 

**REAPER:** **_No, don’t!_ **

 

**ANA:** too late

 

**REAPER:** **_I’m coming over there RIGHT NOW._ **

 

**[REAPER] went idle.**

 

**ANA:** yo widow are there still talon operatives there?

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Oui, there are approximately 230 operatives in this building.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Reaper is here.  Shall I stall him?

 

**ANA:** keep quiet for now

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Okay.

 

**[WIDOWMAKER] went idle.**

 

**ANA:** you know, i haven't nano boosted myself in years.

  
  


**Direct message with [REAPER] and [SOLDIER:76]**

 

**REAPER:** **_Did you send a missile towards my old Talon building?_ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** No, what?

 

**REAPER:** **_You can’t fool me, that’s coming straight for the building from the base._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** What’s it look like?

 

**REAPER:** **_Hard to tell from here, but it's fast, blue, and looks like lightning._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Oh.  That’s Ana.

 

**REAPER:** wait wha

 

**[REAPER] went idle.**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Welp, it was nice knowing you.

 

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**SYMMETER:** today has been rather… interesting.

 

**Gengu:** i agree.

 

**xXProReapsXx: @AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH** **_please don’t nano boost yourself to blow up a building full of balls from a ball pit again_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** I WAS FASTER THAN A TORPEDO MAN WAS THAT NOT COOL TO YOU?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_being on the RECEIVING END, it's TERRIFYING._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** aw come on you know it was cool you edgelord

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_i will have to admit that was pretty cool.  when the building exploded and all the balls came flying out it surely was a sight to see._ **

 

**PAPPY69:** seeing a blue flying speck dash through the air into a building causing an explosion of a bunch of balls on the news was highly entertaining.  even the newscasters couldn't hold in a laugh at how stupid it seemed.

 

**Hanzoff:** so many balls.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGgH:** the news headlines give me 30 more years of life

 

**Gengu:** how old are you again?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i dunno i stopped counting after 50

 

**Furah:** add 10 to that.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** wow i'm old

 

**Gengu:** but that's why you're mom.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** tru dat

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** anyways i wanted to have a challenge between overwatch members.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** there’s gonna be team dead VS the newbies or  _ close enough  _ to be newbies

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** it’ll be 4v6, on my team it's me, morrison, reyes, and genji, and on the other will be lúcio, mccree, zarya, zenyatta, roadhog, and bastion.  it'll be on base of watchpoint gibraltar.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_I’m ready._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** you don't understand, this is not a choice, this is an order.

 

**Gengu:** sounds fun, are respawns gonna be on or will it be like elimination?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** respawns will be on.  get ready, we’re doing this tonight

 

**PAPPY69:** oh, okay then.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** if we didn’t have respawns on then the challenge will last 5 seconds.  respawns will be instant.

 

**Gengu:** that's true.  your anti heal, my swift strike, and then shots from both dad and edgy will kill them all super fast.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** exactly.


	5. noobs vs dead people

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**ANA:** hey newbies  **@BASTION @LÚCIO @ZARYA @ZENYATTA @MCCREE @ROADHOG** it's time for a challenge

 

**MCCREE:** I ain’t no newbie!

 

**ANA:** youre the ‘sort of’ newbie

 

**MCCREE:** I’ve been here as long as Genji!

 

**GENJI:** Now, that’s true, but technically you weren't brought back from the dead.

 

**ZARYA:** What is this challenge you speak of.

 

**ANA:** team dead vs the newbies on gibraltar payload

 

**BASTION:** boop bweep? (o-0)

 

**ZENYATTA:** Bastion asked, team dead?

 

**ANA:** yeah team dead, like people who were thought to be dead but aren't now

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Yeah, it includes myself, Ana, Reaper, and Genji.

 

**ZARYA:** A 4v6?  Hardly seems fair.

 

**ANA:** this is so you all understand how truly teamwork works and how overwatch runs.

 

**ZARYA:** It’s enough that you pair me with two omnics, but believing that I cannot work as a team?  I was part of the Russian Defensive Forces.

 

**ANA:** zarya, gurl, almost every overwatch member has a background of military experience or war.  the omnics are your  _ friends _ so deal with it.

 

**ANA:** i heard your scoff from here.

 

**ZARYA:** Fine.

 

**ANA:** mccree is your leader since he’s been in overwatch the longest.

 

**MCCREE:** Yeah!

 

**REAPER:** **_I better have taught you well, Jesse._ **

 

**MCCREE:** I won’t let ya down, partner!

 

**ANA:** if you get to the first point, you win.  if we get anywhere higher than the first point, we win.  get your asses here now!

 

**MCCREE:** The first point?  That’s too easy.

 

**ANA:** respawns are instant on both sides

 

**MCCREE:** TOO easy.

 

**REAPER:** **_You shouldn’t be too sure with me on the other team, kid._ **

 

**MCCREE:** I’ve learned to hold my own.

 

**REAPER:** **_You know as well as I do that with us, you guys are screwed._ **

 

**ZARYA:** I highly doubt that, but I can never trust omnics to help.

 

**HANZO:** Be glad Genji only has one dragon instead of two.

 

**GENJI:** Anija, that’s your fault.

 

**HANZO:** You’re way more frightening with two dragons.

 

**GENJI:** One of my dragons perished when I was revived.  So it must have given me the spirit to live.

 

**HANZO:** ごめんなさい.

 

**GENJI:** I know.  But I would be at the top of the most feared list if it wasn’t for you!

 

**HANZO:** Sorry, brother.  Ana will most likely forever hold that title.

 

**GENJI:** I would be the second to the top of the most feared list if it wasn't for you!

 

**HANZO:** Now that I can agree on.

 

**ANA:** oh now i remember.  on the mission i went on scouting the shimada clan before your shit went down i recalled six dragons total.

 

**ANA:** two from genji, two from hanzo, and i'm not sure about the other two.

 

**HANZO:** There were other dragons?

 

**ANA:** we talk about this later, lets start the challenge.  i made two voice channels to communicate with each other.  lets fucking GO!

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [hey bitchesss]

 

**REAPER: [** **_Hi._ ** **]**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [This’ll be interesting.]

 

**GENJI:** [I was hoping for Hanzo to be on the other team so I could kick his ass.]

 

**ANA:** [yeah but mccree in on the other team and he's fuckin your brother so isn't that close enough?]

 

**GENJI:** [I suppose so.]

 

**REAPER: [** **_So… just like old times?_ ** **]**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [Just like old times.]

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**MCCREE:** [Sucks I can’t change the name of the voice channel.]

 

**ZARYA:** [What is a ‘noob’?]

 

**MCCREE:** [A shorter and more offensive way to say ‘newbie’.]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [As Genji would say, “Let’s pwn some noobs!”]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [I understand much better.]

 

**ZARYA:** [Just because you act innocent and friendly doesn't mean I trust you, omnic.]

 

**BASTION:** [bweep boop beep… :c]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [I agree.]

 

**MCCREE:** [What did Bas say?]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [Bastion said they are uncomfortable working with someone who doesn’t believe we could be a really well prepared team.  And takes slight offense to being called an omnic in the wrong way.]

 

**ROADHOG:** [The countdown is starting.]

 

**MCCREE:** [Alright team, we’re on defense first, so just make sure to target them when they come out of the spawn room.]

 

**MCCREE:** [Bastion, buddy, don’t shoot at Genji when he’s reflecting.  He can’t be prepared to reflect all the time.]

 

**BASTION:** [booweep! ^_^]

 

**MCCREE:** [Lúcio, Zen, support when needed.  Everyone should protect those two at all costs.]

 

**MCCREE:** [Ready?]

 

**LÚCIO:** [Look at this team!  We’re gonna do great!]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**REAPER: [** **_We’re doing whatever the hell we want, right?_ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [yep, that's how overwatch works.]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [Basically support each other sometimes and fuck them up erratically and sporadically.]

 

**GENJI:** [I’ll probably swift strike more than reflect.]

 

**GENJI:** [McCree probably told Bastion not to shoot when I reflect.  Imma fake em out lol]

 

**ANA:** [what a wonderful group of veterans going out to fuck shit up.]

 

**GENJI:** [We were never coordinated.  It was beautiful.]

 

**REAPER: [** **_If I know McCree, he’ll be very calculated and attempt to force teamwork on his teammates, when in reality, the teamwork comes from keeping our own team alive naturally.  There is no plan, only action._ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [here we go!]

 

**5**

**4**

**3**

**2**

**1**

 

**[TEAM DEAD] Escort the payload**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] Defend the payload**

 

**MCCREE:** [THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED]

 

**ZARYA:** [What did you expect?]

 

**MCCREE:** [NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!  THEY AREN’T EVEN COORDINATING AS A TEAM!  THAT’S THEM DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT!]

 

**ROADHOG:** [...That’s their plan then.]

 

**MCCREE:** [They… YOU’RE RIGHT!  So then, what…. I don't know what to do about that.]

 

**ZARYA:** [We crush them and their souls.]

 

**MCCREE:** [Yeah sure, let’s do that.]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [oh, they're getting tougher.  i wonder what brought that on.]

 

**REAPER: [** **_Must be McCree.  He knows what we look like when we don't have a set plan.  Trained that kid well._ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [heheheh you know what that means]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [Oh God.]

 

**ANA:** [Genji,  **You’re powered up.  Get in there.** ]

 

**GENJI:** [ **Ryūjin no ken wo kurae!** ]

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**ZENYATTA:** [This does not seem optimal to die every 20 seconds.]

 

**MCCREE:** [They already made it past the first point, and Genji only reflects everyone but Bastion, and getting powered up by Ana, they’re OUTNUMBERED!  I just don’t get it!]

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**WINSTON:** This fight is highly entertaining.

 

**HANZO:** Team ‘Dead’ is fearless.  That is why they are winning.

 

**ANA:** lmao exactly

 

**MERCY:** Aren’t you supposed to be fighting?

 

**ANA:** cyber eye remember?

 

**GENJI:** And cyborg that can multitask.

 

**ANA:** ^

 

**ANA:** id nanoboost myself but reyes says that's against the rules and not fair sooo

 

**ANA:** back to the action

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [Reaper,  **You’re powered up.  Get in there.** ]

 

**REAPER: [** **_DIE.  DIE.  DIE._ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [hella edgy]

 

**TEAM KILL.**

 

**ANA:** [lel]

 

**ROUND 1 COMPLETE**

 

**SCORE 2-0**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**MCCREE:** [Now this just ain’t fair.]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [How so?  They are down two people.  They should be in the range of ‘ain’t fair.’]

 

**MCCREE:** [I don’t know how she gets her nano boost so quickly.]

 

**LÚCIO:** [I mean the fact that we keep dying should be the kicker.]

 

**ZARYA:** [We shall do better on attack, comrades.]

 

**LÚCIO:** [Yeah!  We just gotta push it farther than they did!]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [Are we doing the vigilante strat?]

 

**ANA:** [yes.]

 

**GENJI:** [We’re all ninjas now.]

 

**ANA:** [absolutely.]

 

**REAPER: [** **_Be seen when you want to be seen._ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [stay hidden from the enemy and strike when they least expect it.]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [When it’s 1/4th of the way to the first point, we take ‘em out all at once.]

 

**ANA:** [at this point we know all the nooks and crannies all over each and every base and enemy base.]

 

**GENJI:** [Here’s the countdown.]

 

**5**

**4**

**3**

**2**

**1**

 

**[TEAM DEAD] Defend the payload**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] Escort the payload**

  
  


**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**LÚCIO:** [Uhhh… where are they?]

 

**MCCREE:** [We _ are _ still… doing the challenge, right?]

 

**ATHENA: Yes.**

 

**MCCREE:** [What in tarnation…]

 

**ZARYA:** [Quiet!  I’m listening for footsteps.]

 

**ZARYA:** [On the right!]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [ _ calling out isn’t optimal if your enemy can hear what you’re saying. _ ]

 

**GENJI:** [ _ I will strike when McCree is distracted. _ ]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [ _ They make so much noise.  Amateurs. _ ]

 

**REAPER: [** **_FROM THE SHADOWS._ ** **]**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**MCCREE:** [REYES I HEAR YOU!]

 

**ZARYA:** [From the left!]

 

**MCCREE:** [Agh!]

 

**ZENYATTA:** [Aaaaahhhh!]

 

**LÚCIO:** [Oomph!]

 

**ZARYA:** [ _ Ahhh! _ ]

 

**BASTION:** [Bweeeeeeep! D:]

 

**ROADHOG:** [ _ Nooooooo! _ ]

 

**TEAM KILL.**

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**REAPER: [** **_So, how was my distraction?_ ** **]**

 

**ANA:** [perfect.  we all have our ultimates ready.]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [It’s intriguing hearing ‘team kill’ on instant respawns.]

 

**GENJI:** [They are returning.]

 

**60 seconds remaining.**

 

**ANA:** [ _ has it been that long already?  yeesh, maybe we should put the timer longer next time. _ ]

 

**GENJI:** [ _ I agree.  It’s quite unfortunate I cannot kill my fellow Overwatch members like this all the time, because it’s very therapeutic. _ ]

 

**ANA:** [ _ lmao you’re insane _ ]

 

**TEAM KILL.**

 

**GENJI:** [ _ Now they refuse to stay as a group. _ ]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [ _ Easy picking if you ask me. _ ]

 

**30 seconds remaining.**

 

**REAPER: [** **_They aren’t even going on the point?_ ** **]**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**MCCREE:** [Why isn’t anyone getting on the point?]

 

**ZARYA:** [I must sniff out the other team and destroy them myself.]

 

**MCCREE:** [I know I said they weren’t coordinated before, but this is HIGHLY coordinated.  We don’t even have time and the payload ISN’T MOVING.]

 

**ROADHOG:** [Ana is sitting on the top of the payload waving hi.]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [Hello there!]

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**ZENYATTA:** [It seems that Reaper, Soldier:76, and Genji have also come out to sit on the payload.]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [ _ I think they think we’re mocking them. _ ]

 

**ANA:** [aren’t we?]

 

**SOLDIER:76:** [ _ True.   _ Hey.]

 

**REAPER: [** **_Hi._ ** **]**

 

**GENJI:** [Greetings.]

 

**ANA:** [lmao they’re casually walking over here.]

 

**OVERTIME.**

 

**[TEAM NOOBS] voice channel**

 

**MCCREE:** [So, what happened to the challenge?]

 

**[TEAM DEAD] voice channel**

 

**ANA:** [lets move to the chat.  technically its still going since you guys are contesting the payload but how about without communication with your team?]

 

**6 members left [TEAM NOOBS]**

 

**4 members left [TEAM DEAD]**

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**HANZO:** I didn’t even see what happened you all were so stealthy.

 

**GENJI:** I taught them the ways of the ninja in the past and they made it their own and taught me how to be a better ninja.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** We aren’t as mobile, however rules still apply.  Never stay in one spot.  If someone sees you, make yourself a distraction for others.

 

**REAPER:** **_If you’re alone, kill everyone yourself._ **

 

**MCCREE:** I hate to burst everyone's bubble but what about the challenge?

 

**ANA:** the challenge still stands, and you all have yet to kill us.  you gotta make it to the first point to win!

 

**GENJI:** We all are just sitting on the payload.  Free kill, and all.

 

**MCCREE:** So y’all are giving us a crutch?

 

**REAPER:** **_Was that not obvious?_ **

 

**ZARYA:** Dying is not pleasant, even if in a simulation with respawns.  Are you serious?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** We aren’t giving you a crutch for nothing.  You all can go back to communications if you want, but we won’t speak a word with one another, AND you get 4 free kills.

 

**ANA:** like seriously we died already and it sure as hell isnt painful for  _ me. _

 

**GENJI:** We’ve all practically died once for real.  A simulation is nothing.  And it also doesn’t feel quite as real as dying in real life.

 

**ZARYA:** You mean to tell me it is much worse than that?  I apologize sincerely.

 

**GENJI:** No, we’ve killed you… how many times Athena?

 

**ATHENA:**

**MCCREE - 12 Deaths**

**ZENYATTA - 11 Deaths**

**ZARYA - 15 Deaths**

**ROADHOG - 10 Deaths**

**LÚCIO - 10 Deaths**

**BASTION - 8 Deaths**

 

**GENJI:** Thank you, Athena.

 

**MCCREE:** Did… did we even kill you guys at all?

 

**ATHENA:**

**ANA - 1 Death**

**REAPER - 2 Deaths**

**SOLDIER:76 - 2 Deaths**

**GENJI - 0 Deaths**

 

**ANA:** ye but whatevs

 

**GENJI:** This will be your first kill on me.

 

**MERCY:** You four truly are miracles.

 

**ANA:** will you kill us already holy shit

 

**ATHENA:**

**ANA - 2 Deaths**

**REAPER - 3 Deaths**

**SOLDIER:76 - 3 Deaths**

**GENJI - 1 Death**

 

**MCCREE:** Well okay we can communicate with each other, but they aren't allowed to have communications with each other, meaning it’ll be like when we were on defense.

 

**ZARYA:** They will be random and do what they want.

 

**WINSTON:** If you’d like, we can tell you what they’re doing.

 

**MCCREE:** But that’d be cheatin’...

 

**ZARYA:** Tell us everything.

 

**MCCREE:** I agree.

 

**WINSTON:** Alright.  They’re at their spawn waving to the cameras, and now they’re separating.  Reaper is moving towards you directly, Ana is going top left of you guys, and Soldier:76 is going top right of you guys.  I lost sight of Genji.

 

**ZENYATTA:** He was always an expert at disappearing from my teachings.

 

**HANZO:** Genji is in the servers room.

 

**WINSTON:** Really?  I didn’t even see him.

 

**HANZO:** He put his signature on the wall.

 

**WINSTON:** Oh.

 

**TRACER:** Ohh, this looks fun!

 

**MCCREE:** Any more intel?

 

**WINSTON:** I know for a fact that Ana is ready to nano boost and Reaper has his ultimate ready.

 

**PHARAH:** Genji has his ass to one of the cameras.

 

**WINSTON:** Oh, my.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Fascinating.

 

**HANZO:** This is why I killed you once before.  Not really but what the  _ fuck  _ Genji.

 

**TRACER:** Is he  _ twerking? _

 

**TEAM KILL.**

 

**ROUND COMPLETE**

 

**FINAL SCORE 2-0.**

 

**ANA:** THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS.

 

**REINHARDT:** I too found this to be hilarious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont post translations lmao use google translate


	6. mom is crazy

**GENJI:** Fun fact.  I just realized that omnics wear clothes and I don’t so technically I’m naked.

 

**ANA:** n00d ninja

 

**GENJI:** #n00dninja

 

**D.VA:** Oh!  Pose and lemme take a pic for Twitter!

 

**GENJI:** How’s this?

[hella_fine_ass.png]

 

**D.VA:** OMG you take great pictures of your butt.

 

**GENJI:** Thanks, I pride myself of my butt.

 

**MERCY:** You’re welcome.

 

**ANA:** wait wait hold on i got a pic of this that i drew 

[heres_mercy_with_a_box_of_genjis_butt.png]

 

**MERCY:** Ana! =>n<=

 

**ANA:** anyways i have like 5 reports to do for our recent missions so ttyl bitches

 

**MCCREE:** I can’t believe I was distracted by Genji’s butt.

 

**[SOLDIER:76] pinned [MCCREE: I can’t believe I was distracted by Genji’s butt.]**

 

**MCCREE:** God dammit.

 

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**Hanzoff:** can we add jesse to this chat?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_i mean, sure. why not_ **

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** well if you wanna, i don't have a problem with it.

 

**[the CAVALRYYY!] added [JESSE] to [Overwatch Booty]**

 

**JESSE:** what in the west side is this?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh it's my other son

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_Hola, hijo._ **

 

**JESSE:** wait, reyes?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_yes?_ **

 

**JESSE:** why is your name xXProReapsXx?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_for the memes._ **

 

**JESSE:** how do i change my username?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** hold on i gotchu

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] changed [JESSE]’s nickname to [TittyLover420]**

 

**TittyLover420:** well this aint wrong

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** ey jesse what time is it

 

**TittyLover420:** ah, AAAAH

 

**TittyLover420:** It’s  **_HIIIIIIIGH NOOOOON_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** AYYY LMAO

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_i knew i picked you up from the depths of hell for a reason, you loco vaquero._ **

 

**puta desafortunada:** ay dios mio, el vaquero esta aqui?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yes

 

**TittyLover420:** who in tarnation has that god awful name

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** excuse me, i chose that for her.  and its sombra.

 

**puta desafortunada:** i thought i changed this back, what the heck?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i had more time to figure out how to encode the chats we have so you wouldnt be able to change it

 

**Renhard:** savage

 

**Gengu:** _ is ana a better hacker than sombra? _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i dont hack, i just fuck around with words in the code lol

 

**puta desafortunada:** that's practically all that hacking is

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh well shit, i guess i am a better hacker if i tried, but i don't have the time for that

 

**Renhard:** truly a woman of many talents.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** anybody wanna watch me arm wrestle zarya?  come to the rec room, imma get athena to record this

 

**ATHENA LOG: TRANSCRIPT FOR REC ROOM**

 

**ANA:** ZARYA BOO BOO COME ARM WRESTLE ME

 

**ZARYA:** But your stature is puny.  You would break.

 

**REINHARDT:** Trust me Zarya, she’s pretty strong.

 

**ZARYA:** But she is so tiny.

 

**ANA:** can we get the pain comparison device out again

 

**GENJI:** I don’t think even Zarya can take it, mom.

 

**ANA:** LETS START BETS

 

**MCCREE:** I bet $50 on Ana.

 

**ZARYA:** You have no trust in me, cowman?

 

**MCCREE:** I calls it how I sees it, partner.

 

**REAPER:** **_$300 on Ana._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Same.

 

**MERCY:** $30 on Zarya.

 

**GENJI:** I’ll put $7,000 in each pool.

 

**HANZO:** I will do the same.

 

**GENJI:** Might as well spend the money from the Shimada Clan that they thought they could abuse.

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** $200 on Zarya.

 

**REINHARDT:** $500 on Ana.

 

**MEI:** $700 on Zarya!

 

**LÚCIO:** Imma bet $100 on Ana.

 

**JUNKRAT:** I DON’T LIKE NEITHER OF ‘EM BUT I’LL BET $20 ON ZARYA OVER THERE.

 

**ROADHOG:** $20 on Ana.

 

**JUNKRAT:** ROADIE YOU WOUND ME!

 

**WINSTON:** $10 on Ana.

 

**TRACER:** Ana’ll win for sure!  $30!

 

**ZARYA:** Why have you all no hope for me?  I am big and strong, and Ana is old, small, and nimble.

 

**ANA:** ANY MORE BETS BOIS AND GRILLS?

 

**D.VA:** $20 on Ana!

 

**ANA:** ATHENA, CALCULATE THE PERCENTAGE OF WINNING BASED ON OUR PHYSICAL STATURE.

 

**ATHENA:**

**ANA - 21.75%**

**ZARYA - 78.25%**

**Chance of winning.**

 

**ANA:** ANY CHANGES OF BETS BASED ON COMPUTERS?

 

**ZENYATTA:** $40 on Ana.

 

**ROADHOG:** …$20 on Zarya.

 

**JUNKRAT:** ATTA BOY!

 

**WINSTON:** ...Ummm… $50 on Zarya.

 

**ZARYA:** Can’t even trust an OMNIC to vote for you.

 

**ZENYATTA:** It is only based on my opinion.

 

**PHARAH:** I bet $50 on Zarya.

 

**ANA:** Oh, we’ll see about that.

 

**ZARYA:** Are bets a regular thing?

 

**REAPER:** **_Absolutely._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** You think they aren’t?

 

**ZARYA:** Isn’t Overwatch supposed to be professional?

 

**ANA:** Who told you that?

 

**ZARYA:** ...The world?

 

**ANA:** HAHAHAHA Oh darling, you have no idea how wrong that is.  Unless they mean professional killers.  We’re pretty good at that and saving people’s asses from time to time.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** We mostly just watch the world spin and go around and deal with things that stick out.

 

**ANA:** That’s probably why we were disbanded to be honest.

 

**ZARYA:** I like it here.

 

**ANA:** Everyone does.  If you didn’t we’d have to kill you!

 

**ZARYA:** That is joke, right?

 

**REAPER:** **_No._ **

 

**ANA:** How do we save the world like this lmao.

 

**ZARYA:** Beats me.

 

**LÚCIO:** Did someone say beat?

 

**ANA:** Nope, now let's fuckin arm wrestle!

 

**ZARYA:** You’re on.  I won’t go easy on you.

 

**ANA:** You really shouldn’t.  I broke Reinhardt’s arm last time.

 

**REINHARDT:** Which is why I bet on you.

 

**GENJI:** I was a spectator.  It was not pretty.

 

**MERCY:** I don’t remember this?

 

**ANA:** Nobody wanted you to find out so we dealt with it our own way.

 

**MERCY:** Well then.

 

**REINHARDT:** Brigitte helped immensely.

 

**HANZO:** Shall I initiate the countdown?

 

**ZARYA:** Please do.

 

**HANZO:** Alright, set!

 

**HANZO:** 3

 

**HANZO:** 2

 

**HANZO:** 1

 

**HANZO:** Begin!

 

**ZARYA:** Oh, you are stronger than I anticipated.

 

**ANA:** I’m testing your strength.

 

**WINSTON:** Oh my…

 

**MERCY:** Zarya, are you trying?

 

**ZARYA:** In fact, I am.  But I must stay focused.

 

**ANA:** You may be a weightlifter and bodybuilder, but I am a mother.

 

**PHARAH:** I have to be honest, I bet on Zarya for pity.

 

**ANA:** That’s my child!

 

**ZARYA:** How are your skinny arms holding with my stature?

 

 **ANA:** Maybe I should let you try and carry my rifle, it might make more sense to you then.

 

**ZARYA:** What does a rifle have to do with it?

 

**ANA:** You carry a big particle cannon which looks heavy, but I have never carried it before, so I’m unsure if it is as heavy as my weapon.

 

**ZARYA:** That weapon of yours looks as light as a feather.

 

**ANA:** Wanna bet?

 

**ANA:** I win.

 

**ZARYA:** Wait, what?

 

**ZARYA:** I was using all of my strength, how could someone beat me in a game of  _ strength _ ?

 

**GENJI:** Ooooooooh!

 

**LÚCIO:** Yo, Zarya, you just got  _ roasted _ !

 

**ANA:** Honestly I just wanted to see you attempt to use my sniper rifle.  And I want to see how heavy your particle cannon is.

 

**ZARYA:** ...I am fine with this, but I want a rematch after I do some more training.

 

**ANA:** Sure.

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**MCCREE:** CALLED IT.

 

**ZARYA:** I am not proud of my loss, but I have learned not to mess with mother.

 

**ANA:** das rite yo

 

**MERCY:** Poor Mei…

 

**MEI:** It’s fine!  I have a lot of money for all of the research I’ve done!

 

**REINHARDT:** I’m not proud to say I wanted to see Ana break Zarya’s arm.

 

**ANA:** ifound out what muscles to use so i didn’t do that.  i would rather not have ms ziegler scold me.  she's like another mother to overwatch.

 

**MERCY:** Well, thank you.  Even though I lost $30 from that.

 

**REAPER:** **_I got quite a bit of cash from that._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Same, but because we already knew who was gonna win.

 

**ANA:** hold on i wanna see zarya try to use my rifle

 

**GENJI:** Oh, I have to record this.

 

**GENJI:** Ana’s rifle is HEAVY and pulling the trigger is HARDER.

 

**ANA:** How would you know that?

 

**GENJI:** Ask your second son.

 

**ANA:** america #2?

 

**GENJI:** Yes.

 

**ANA: @MCCREE** what is gengu talking about and how does he know about my rifle?

 

**MCCREE:** Uhhh…

 

**[MCCREE] went idle.**

 

**ANA:** oh no you don't 

 

**[ANA] went idle.**

 

**GENJI:** Whoops.

 

**MERCY:** ...Should I prep the medical room?

 

**GENJI:** Nah, he’s fine.

 

**HANZO:** WHY IS JESSE SCREAMING?

 

**GENJI:** WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

 

**HANZO:** I can’t find him nearby, where did his scream come from?

 

**ATHENA:** Agent McCree is in the training halls with Agent Amari.

 

**HANZO:** I’m at the  _ meeting rooms.  _  That’s all the way across  _ base. _

 

**D.VA:** Hey, why did I hear a really loud scream?

 

**D.VA:** Oh, nevermind.  I read up top.

 

**GENJI:** Oh God, McCree direct messaged me to hide, he told her everything

 

**HANZO:** What did you do?  What did he tell her?

 

**GENJI:** Something without permission, and that Jesse said he knew about it but wouldn’t tell because he was afraid of my wrath, but honestly Ana is scary.

 

**ANA:** YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. 私はあなたの尻を蹴るつもりです.

 

**GENJI:** たわごとのファックのたわごとのたわごと!

 

**HANZO:** GENJI  _ WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? _

 

**GENJI:** I DIDN’T KNOW I SWEAR!

 

**ANA:** 私はあなたをもう一度殺します!

 

**GENJI: お母さん、しないでください...**

 

**ANA:** それを秘密にする.

 

**GENJI:** ...Will you promise not to try to kill me?

 

**ANA:** Fine.   _ But if a word comes out of either you or Jesse of what you’ve seen, I’ll kill you myself. _

 

**REAPER:** **_What the hell did I miss?_ **

 

**HANZO:** どのようにして彼女を非常に怒らせましたか？

 

**GENJI:** 私が何かを言うなら、彼女は私を殺します.

 

**ANA:** that's fucking right.

 

**REAPER:** **_Can we keep this chat to English only?_ **

 

**ANA:** الأحمق

 

**SOMBRA:** No entiendo porque quieres Inglés, Americano sucio.

 

**REAPER:** **_Okay, FINE, whatever._ **

 

**D.VA:** 제 모국어로 타이핑 할 수 있습니까?

 

**ANA:** sorry, my korean is still a bit choppy.  im still trying to learn chinese and portuguese at the same time.

 

**REINHARDT:** What about German?

 

**ANA:** ich habe schon Deutsch gelernt!

 

**REINHARDT:** Wow.

 

**MERCY:** Wow.

 

**ANA:** och svenska!

 

**TORBJÖRN:** Wow.

 

**ANA:** am i missing other languages?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** When was the last time you took a vacation?

 

**ANA:** i mean, define vacation

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Where you just relax and have fun, maybe somewhere tropical if you’re fancy?

 

**ANA:** i have fun all the time?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** No, I mean, UGH, have you ever RELAXED?

 

**ANA:** define relax

 

**SOLDIER:76:** DOING NOTHING AND ENJOYING IT?

 

**ANA:** oh

 

**ANA:** no

 

**ANA:** doing nothing is boring

 

**WINSTON:** Have you ever used your vacation days?

 

**ANA:** yeah, but like, i took advantage of the time and finished reading the entire encyclopedia

 

**HANZO:** What.

 

**REAPER:** **_Yeah, What._ **

 

**ANA:** is that not something people do?

 

**ZARYA:** You are insane, but the good kind.

 

**ZARYA:** Вы русский язык знаете?   
  


**ANA:** Я делаю.    
  


**ZARYA:** ты сумасшедший.

 

**REAPER:** **_I have no idea what you’re saying but Ana, you need to take a break from all this._ **

 

**ANA:** a break?  from overwatch?

 

**REAPER:** **_Yes._ **

 

**ANA:** uhhh you don't understand.  this is my  _ life. _  abandoning it will actually kill me.  even if it's for a little bit.

 

**REAPER:** **_Taking a break won’t kill you, Ana.  Working 24/7 will._ **

 

**ANA:** aha, but i work 23/7

 

**REAPER:** **_Are you_ ** **_certain_ ** **_that you’re human?_ **

 

**ANA:** technically i'm part machine now cuz of the eye with wifi, heheh, wif-eye

 

**LÚCIO:** When do you sleep?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen Ana sleep.

 

**REAPER:** **_I don’t recall either, even when we were on a mission in one of the hidden bases on the forest, she kept watch for us._ **

 

**ANA:** i mean i only need like, 1 hour of sleep to function.  is that not normal?

 

**PHARAH:** She’s always looking out for others or working.  Also I function on one hour of sleep as well.  Perhaps it’s genetic?

 

**WINSTON:** Basic human necessities are 8 full hours of sleep every day in order to function properly.

 

**TRACER:** I sleep whenever, but I travel through time and all that, so I have no clue how long I sleep per day.

 

**MCCREE:** That can’t be what it is.  Y’all never get overworked?  Exhausted?

 

**ANA:** no not really

 

**PHARAH:** Not that I recall.  Unless I’ve been shot or almost killed, I’m never exhausted.

 

**ANA:** people get  _ overworked? _  that's a  _ thing? _

 

**MCCREE:** Maybe y’all are the first aliens to finally inhabit the Earth.

 

**ANA:** yes jesse, i am an alien with super strength and godlike reflexes and have normal human anatomy.

 

**MERCY:** In physical check-ups, I’ve seen nothing wrong with either Pharah or Ana.

 

**ANA:** why are we talking about this tho, i still wanna see zarya use my rifle

 

**ZARYA:** Right.

 

**GENJI: @HANZO** 私の部屋でカメラをつかむ!

 

**HANZO:** Why?

 

**GENJI:** Ana’s weapon is crazy and I wanna record this!

 

**ANA:** あなたの安全のためにしないでください.

 

**GENJI:** But

 

**ANA: それはしないでください、Hanzo.**

 

**HANZO:** はい、母親...

 

**ANA:** 良い.

 

**GENJI:** Why do you want your rifle to be hidden so badly?

 

**ANA:** あなたは知る必要はありません.

 

**GENJI:** それは標識に起因するのでしょうか?

 

**ANA:** いいえ、でも...

 

**ANA:** そんな感じ.

 

**GENJI:** I’m confused.

 

**ANA:** good.

 

**ZARYA:** How in the world do you handle this weapon?  It’s like carrying a car but in a gun that shoots very far!

 

**ANA:** you were able to pull the trigger?

 

**ZARYA:** Well, no…

 

**ANA:** alright then, i think we’re done for tonight.  i'm kinda tired of all the shit that happened today

 

**GENJI:** Besides the rifle thing?

 

**ANA:** and the fact that you all want me to take a vacation

 

**REAPER:** **_You really should._ **

 

**ANA:** shut up, pendejo.  i do what i want.

 

**REAPER:** **_Yeesh, okay.  Whatever then._ **

 

**ANA:** imma get my one hour of sleep.  see ya nerds

 

**[ANA] went idle.**

 

**ZARYA:** She picked up her weapon like it weighs nothing.  There is no way she is human.

 

**MCCREE:** Can we agree not to pressure mom about things?  She seemed pretty upset when walking to her room.

 

**REAPER:** **_No promises, but I’ll watch my mouth._ **

 

**SYMMETRA:** What are you all doing up at 4am?

 

**SYMMETRA:** Oh, you upset mother.  You fools.

 

**REAPER:** **_I don’t understand how wanting her to take a vacation is upsetting to her._ **

 

**MCCREE:** Overwatch is her life and family.  Taking a break would probably be torture to her.

 

**GENJI:** This got way too dramatic REAL quick.

 

**MCCREE:** The Japanese didn’t help.  And English is  _ appreciated,  _ thanks.

 

**REAPER:** **_SEE?_ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Let's all just get some rest.  I’m sure we all need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, this fic is based off other chatfics but sort of 'combined' to make my own.
> 
> so uh, read other chatfics yo


	7. motherfucking drAGONS

**[Overwatch Booty]**

 

**Furah:** i know i should probably put this in the emergency channel but 

 

**Furah:** my mom is missing and idk where she could have gone

 

**TittyLover420:** did you check the basement?  attic?

 

**Furah:** empty

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** she isn't on base.

 

**Furah:** then where'd she go?

 

**HON HON BAGUETTE:** beats me, i don't see her nearby anywhere.

 

**Gengu:** mom is missing?

 

**Furah:** yes, her things are gone as well.

 

**Gengu:** well shit, i hope it's not my fault…

 

**Furah: @everyone** has anyone seen my mother?

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** oh, no?  i can try messing with time to check

 

**the CAVALRYYY!:** uhm, she’s gone and i can't find her?

 

**Hanzoff:** i haven't seen her

 

**Renhard:** neither have i

 

**SYMMETER:** i'm working, i don't know.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_she just disappeared?  along with her things?_ **

 

**Furah:** yeah

 

**PAPPY69:** we were asleep for like 3 hours and she disappeared on us?

 

**puta desafortunada:** this seems pretty important, why not ask the others in the emergency channel?

 

**Furah:** this chat is encoded so hackers can't read it other than sombra, but the other one isn't safe even though it's the emergency channel

 

**TittyLover420:** wow, so did mom tell you not to use that channel in case of something like this?

 

**Furah:** she doesn't just  _ disappear. _

 

**puta desafortunada:** yeah, that's my thing

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** i think i might have seen something about an hour ago

 

**Furah:** what?

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** well it was like a blue moving thing with lightning going super fast so i thought it was a weapon firing or something

 

**Furah:** _ which direction did it go? _

 

**THE D. (va) (penis):** towards japan i think?  maybe hanamura, idk

 

**Gengu:** wait what

 

**Hanzoff:** why would she go there?

 

**Renhard:** i may have an idea.

 

**Furah:** ???

 

**Renhard:** earlier she was talking about other dragons that were seen in hanamura and may have tried to go off on her own to investigate.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh hey guys 

 

**Furah:** MOTHER?  where did you go?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yo chill i'm coming back i've only been gone for like 2 hours

 

**Furah:** _ that didn't answer my question _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** hanamura, japan

 

**Furah:** why?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** hold on gimme a minute

 

**[AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH] went idle.**

 

**Furah:** ugh

 

**Renhard:** i told you why already

 

**Furah:** i know but it's good to have confirmation

 

**Hanzoff:** genji do you remember other dragons?

 

**Gengu:** no, and even still, unless we used the dragons in public aren't they like invisible to non shimadas?

 

**Hanzoff:** jesse come here i need to test something

 

**TittyLover420:** wazzup

 

**Hanzoff:** can you see my dragons right now?

 

**TittyLover420:** no?

 

**Gengu:** see, and i can, so is ana able to see them?

 

**Hanzoff:** but only a shimada can see the dragons

 

**Gengu:** are you sure?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i'm coming home with a surprise bois

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** aren't your dragons like pets or something?  they always hang around you guys

 

**Gengu:** so you CAN see them?

 

**Hanzoff:** mom is home, genji come here she's with me

 

**Gengu:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** HAHAHA IM NOW CRYSTAL ANA SHIMADA AMARI LOOK AT MY DRAGONS BOIS

 

**Gengu:** HOW IN THE HELL

 

**Hanzoff:** i knew something was off when my dragons reacted differently with ana.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** MUH DRAGONS ARE MAGENTA AND THEYRE PRECIOUS

 

**Hanzoff:** do you know how to control them?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** wanna find out?

 

**Hanzoff:** how did you find them?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i went to hanamura and they found me.  it's been years since i've been there last

 

**Gengu:** does this make you our mom sister irl?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** just mom, and in spirit yes.

 

**Gengu:** this is fuckingINSANE i didn't even know there WERE other dragons besides ours 

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yeah they're actually kinda irritated at that because they've tried to make themselves known to you two many times

 

**Hanzoff:** without a master they can be difficult to see.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i named them In and Yo

 

**Gengu:** ah, the japanese version of yin and yang.  clever

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh that's what it is?  the names just came to me

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** they seem pretty happy about it though

 

**Hanzoff:** we don't have names for our dragons.

 

**Gengu:** thefuck are you talking about?  i named my dragon Tachi.  the other that is no longer with us is named Saya.

 

**Hanzoff:** i don't have names for my dragons.

 

**Gengu:** name them then, they  _ want  _ names, so what's the first thing that comes to mind?

 

**Hanzoff:** hmm…

 

**Hanzoff:** Yumi and Yanagi.

 

**Gengu:** now that makes sense

 

**Gengu:** the names of my dragons have to do with the sword and sheath, and yours is the bow and arrow.  why ana is mostly about balance i'm not sure.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** obviously you haven't seen me as shrike

 

**Gengu:** ?

 

**PAPPY69:** her vigilante alter ego

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yeah here's a pic

i was like, master of light and dark and shit

 

**Gengu:** OH, THATS YOU?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i mean it's pretty obvious

 

**Hanzoff:** even i can see the resemblance.

 

**Gengu:** maybe we should let our dragons chill with each other

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** In and Yo seem pretty happy with it

 

**Hanzoff:** Yumi and Yanagi are fairly excited about it too.

 

**Gengu:** Tachi is begging to come out.  it's been lonely without Saya.

 

**Hanzoff:** i forgot to ask, where are your tattoos?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh you mean like yours?

 

**Gengu:** oh yeah.  mine is on my back, hanzos is on his arm, what about you?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i don't have dragon tattoos

 

**Hanzoff:** then how do your dragons come out?  they should be attached to your body.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** my eye

 

**Gengu:** your eye?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** ye look, my eye turns magenta when they come out

 

**Hanzoff:** whoa

 

**Gengu:** _ whoa _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i think that explains why i can see like 500000x better than everyone else

 

**Gengu:** and why you could see the dragons when we couldn't at first.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** awww look at them play around

 

**Gengu:** tachi looks so happy

 

**Hanzoff:** yumi and yanagi seem less tense

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** wanna test their destructive capabilities now?

 

**Gengu:** something feels different now

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** OH MY GOD BABY DRAGON

 

**Gengu:** what?

 

**Gengu:** OH MY GOD ITS SAYA

 

**Hanzoff:** _ YOUR DRAGON IS BACK I DONT FEEL THAT BAD ANYMORE OMG _

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** SAYA IS ADORABLE

 

**Gengu:** i… i can't believe

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** aww he's crying

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** like he literally took his face mask off and i see tears

 

**Hanzoff:** she really is adorable

 

**Gengu:** guys mom is a fucking miracle worker

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_we know._ **

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_oh she has dragons now?  well she's the most overpowered of us all then_ **

 

**PAPPY69:** what are you talking about?  she's always been overpowered.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_this is true._ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** do your dragons always like, inch you a bit to do things?

 

**Gengu:** yes

 

**Hanzoff:** of course, they're a part of us

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** they really want me to use them to destroy something

 

**Gengu:** saya really wants to watch that.

 

**Hanzoff:** yumi and yanagi are curious but cautious.  i think it would be good to test it outside of base.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yeah they’re inching me  _ away _ from base towards one of the Talon bases in… Florida?

 

**TittyLover420:** florida?

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_yeah, florida?_ **

 

**PAPPY69:** what the hell i didn't even know there  _ was  _ a talon base in florida

 

**puta desafortunada:** there are two, and one of them is HQ.

 

**TittyLover420:** i mean people in florida  _ are  _ crazy

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** i can only bring hanzo and genji with me tho for safety reasons.

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_what about me?_ **

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** you didn't see it but In glared at you

 

**xXProReapsXx:** **_rude_ **

 

**Gengu:** tachi is hiding, idk if he's scared of in and yo or what

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** they're kind of irritated at tachi, i'm not sure why

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** wait can your dragons talk to you?

 

**Gengu:** no, we just feel their emotions and what they're thinking

 

**Hanzoff:** we speak to them but they reply without words but with feeling

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh i get what's happening, Yo has a crush on Saya and In has a crush on Tachi.

 

**Gengu:** oh my god, i've never seen dragons blush before.  but why are they irritated at tachi?

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** because in and yo keep each other happy and when one isn't happy, neither is the other, but tachi didn't save saya when you were ‘murdered’ but he could have split the damage in half but since he didn't, saya was gone and in and yo were in a frenzy and hid until i came and basically tachi is getting the cold shoulder cuz he's a pussy that doesn't wanna get hurt 

 

**Gengu:** thefuck?  are you serious?  tachi wants to make something clear.  if i didn't have the strength of at least one dragon, i would have died.  it was either him or saya and saya gave up  _ her  _ life to save mine, so it's  _ hanzos  _ fault

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** oh shit after reading that, my dragons anger levels spiked

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** they're basically saying ‘of course it was those hot heads’ and proceeded to say various japanese swears.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** and yes, i now understand the language of dragons.  at least, they seem to trust me enough to speak regular japanese

 

**Gengu:** saya also seems upset at yumi and yanagi

 

**Hanzoff:** my dragons are now upset with me.  thanks.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH: @SYMMETER** can you make a teleporter that goes to florida, USA?  anywhere is fine.

 

**SYMMETER:** no problem.

 

**SYMMETER:** Teleporter online.  I have opened a path.

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** alright boys, in and yo need to let out some steam so we’re gonna fucking wreck shit in florida, home of the crazies

 

**TittyLover420:** have fun

 

**Gengu:** i'm ready.

 

**Hanzoff:** i'm not

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** yes you are

 

**Hanzoff:** yes i am

 

**AnaAAaaAAAAAAAagGGH:** lets go, i’ll make a new text chat for us

  
  


**[CRYSTAL] created [Dragonites]**

 

**[CRYSTAL] added [GERARDO] and [JUSTICE] to [Dragonites]**

 

**[CRYSTAL] changed nickname to [Ana]**

 

**[GERARDO] and [JUSTICE] entered [Dragonites]**

 

**[GERARDO] changed nickname to [Genji]**

 

**[JUSTICE] changed nickname to [Hanzo]**

 

**Ana:** yes we are dragonites

 

**Genji:** glad you made a pokémon reference

 

**Ana:** now that we’re here, we gotta find that talon base and i’ll show you two the true forms of in and yo

 

**Ana:** they're telling me it's been centuries since someone was able to be their master because only strong willed people can handle it, so i'm pretty confident in myself

 

**Hanzo:** using the power of the dragons  _ can  _ be exhausting.

 

**Genji:** our dragons were inherited.  can you ask how a non shimada can control the dragons?

 

**Ana:** imma let the dragons type this out

 

**Genji:** wait what?

 

**Ana:** We are a special type of twin spirit dragons.  In is the moon, Yo is the sun, In is the dark, Yo is the light.  When someone has the perfect balance of these attributes, they are the most likely fitting candidate to be our master.

 

**Genji:** since when can dragons type?

 

**Ana:** Since forever.  You can choose to let your dragon take over your body until you want it back.  Ana is very in sync with our needs and thoughts, as if she were an actual mind reader.  Her eye is that of a dragon, ever since birth she could see like no one else.  Shame one of them had been shot, but she seems okay with ‘free wifi’.

 

**Hanzo:** who's talking?  in or yo?

 

**Ana:** Both of us.  We are balanced.  One cannot live without the other.

 

**Genji:** This is Tachi.  Are you sure that Ana is able to handle the power you hold?

 

**Ana:** As a matter of fact, yes.  She’s dealt with worse from the looks of it, but she may… pass out afterwards.

 

**Genji:** It’s Saya now!  Should we do something if something goes wrong?

 

**Ana:** Don’t worry, nothing will go wrong.  Just be sure Genji can bring Ana home in case she does pass out.

 

**Hanzo:** yumi and yanagi don't seem like they want to talk.

 

**Ana:** hey it's me again sup

 

**Ana:** anyways i found a dude with talon branded underpants when the dragons were doing their thing

 

**Ana:** i found the base

 

**Ana:** This is merely a test run.  We want to make sure Ana can use us in dire situations.

 

**Ana:** ye bois les gooo

 

**Genji:** talon branded underpants?

 

**Ana:** yea they're growing and decided to make a uniform that also includes undergarments.

 

**Genji:** that's weird.

 

**Hanzo:** indeed.

 

**Ana:** genji your cyborg body is practically overwatch branded.  is that not weird to you?

 

**Genji:** no because it's my body, not clothes.  i'm fuckin naked

 

**Hanzo:** he has a point

 

**Ana:** well shit u right

 

**Genji:** so we agree that talon branded underpants are weird?

 

**Ana:** yes.

 

**Ana:** we’re here

 

**Hanzo:** wait what already?

 

**Ana:** we’ve been walking for the past 40 minutes

 

**Hanzo:** time flies when you talk…

 

**Ana:** i myself am not nervous but i can feel in and yo’s nervousness thru the roof

 

**Ana:** We are merely unknowing of what will happen to Ana if anything goes wrong.

 

**Genji:** that's what we’re here for 

 

**Hanzo:** of course

 

**Ana:** alright how exactly does the dragon power thing work

 

**Hanzo:** focus what your enemies are and what your allies are.  create safety for your allies and wish destruction on your enemies.  the rest should come naturally.

 

**Ana:** seems simple enough.  here we go.

 

**Genji:** i don't think i could get used to the glowing eye.

 

**Genji:** HOLY  _ FUCK _

 

**Hanzo:** that is… fascinating.

 

**Ana:** the white dragon that's constantly healing us is Yo, the black dragon that's just  _ destroying _ the base is In.

 

**Genji:** they're so HUGE

 

**Genji:** like WTF 

 

**Hanzo:** ana, are you okay?

 

**Ana:** i'm fine

 

**Ana:** Surprisingly, she’s handling us beyond our expectations.

 

**Hanzo:** you can  _ feel  _ when your master is unwell, right?

 

**Ana:** Well, no.  We are bonded but not enough.  She is not truly a descendant of the Shimada clan.

 

**Hanzo:** ...i think this is enough havoc.  lets go back.

 

**Genji:** when do the dragons dissipate?

 

**Ana:** oh yeah whoops i think you overdid it In, it's a bit… well very much a pile of dust now.  we should go.

 

**Ana:** i called for a teleporter back

 

**Ana:** genji call mer

 

**[Ana] disconnected from [Dragonites]**

 

**Genji:** ohshit she’s out cold

 

**Genji:** i'm going to assume that she wanted me to call mercy.

 

**Hanzo:** you do that.  i'll search for the teleporter’s location while you help ana.

 

**Genji:** on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been writing a majority of this on a google doc so i posted like everything in a day
> 
> whoops


	8. a boat and a new recruit?

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**GENJI:** We need  **@MERCY** as soon as possible when we arrive back.

 

**MERCY:** What happened?

 

**GENJI:** Umm… Ana will explain it later… when she’s conscious.

 

**MERCY:** ANA IS UNCONSCIOUS?

 

**HANZO:** Let’s just say we were in Florida and you should check the news channel.

 

**MERCY:** How in the  _ world _ do you turn an entire building into  _ dust? _

 

**REAPER:** **_Mom is hurt?_ **

 

**GENJI:** Not hurt, but most likely exhausted.  Then again I can’t tell if she’s ever hurt or not.

 

**REINHARDT:** Ana would never show if she was hurt, but sometimes you can tell if she was exhausted.  In the past, she used to go on the more dangerous missions that even Blackwatch wouldn’t be a part of.  She would come back  _ looking _ normal, but less talkative and energetic.

 

**GENJI:** Good to know for future reference.

 

**MCCREE:** Blackwatch had declined missions?

 

**REAPER:** **_Yes, however I didn’t know those missions that were declined had gone to Ana._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** We knew Blackwatch had done some  _ very  _ dirty work.  Ana and I were fine with it if it was for the greater good.  She decided to go solo for a  _ lot  _ of missions that even  _ I  _ wasn’t aware of.

 

**PHARAH:** I hope you all realize this server is insecure.

 

**PHARAH:** If you are to continue spilling mother’s secrets, do so in the  _ other _ chat.

 

**MERCY:** What other chat?

 

**PHARAH:** ...That’s classified.

 

**MERCY:** ...Riiight.  Anywho, I’ve never seen or heard of Ana passing out  _ ever _ .  I’d better get an explanation soon.

 

**Direct message with [HANZO] and [GENJI]**

 

**HANZO:** lets agree not to let ana use her dragons unless it’s an emergency.

 

**GENJI:** i agree.

 

**HANZO:** should you or i carry her back?

 

**GENJI:** i got her

 

**HANZO:** alright

 

**GENJI:** also in and yo just disappeared.  is that normal?

 

**HANZO:** no, and i'm worried.

 

**GENJI:** me too

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**MERCY:** Concerning Ana’s condition…

 

**GENJI:** What’s up?

 

**MERCY:** She’s completely fine, nothing is wrong but…

 

**HANZO:** But?

 

**MERCY:** It may be best if you all see for yourselves?  Come to the med bay.

 

**MCCREE:** Holy shit.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I don’t normally say this in a professional chatroom but  _ what the fuck. _

 

**REINHARDT:** This is an interesting turn of events.

 

**GENJI:** IS THIS FOR FUCKING REAL?

 

**HANZO:** The dragons did  _ this?   _ That’s like, impossible!

 

**MERCY:** It happened overnight.  I’ve no idea what happened.  You said the dragons did this?

 

**HANZO:** It’s different per person.  For example, I received better inhuman senses.

 

**GENJI:** I have gained the ability to conceal my presence completely.

 

**HANZO:** My guess is that Ana now cannot age and holds a younger form.

 

**TORBJÖRN:** Oh my, she looks twenty years old again.

 

**D.VA:** MOM IS LIKE MY AGE HOLY  _ SHIT _ !

 

**MERCY:** She’s waking up.

 

**[TRANSCRIPT for MED BAY]**

 

**ANA:** ugh what the hell happened

 

**GENJI:** Uh, what do you remember?

 

**ANA:** i fucking destroyed a building and turned it to dust and that's all

 

**HANZO:** You passed out.

 

**ANA:** this feeling is foreign to me.  why are you all looking at me like that?

 

**MERCY:** Here’s a mirror.

 

**ANA:** oh

 

**ANA:** okay

 

**ANA:** but why are you all staring at me like that

 

**GENJI:** You’ve de-aged 40 years and all you can say is ‘oh okay’?

 

**ANA:** uhhh yeah?  oh sweet i can move a lot better now!

 

**MERCY:** On a scale of one to old Ana, how is your pain?

 

**ANA:** still the same as always.

 

**ANA:** uh, hanzo? genji? you alright?

 

**HANZO:** ...Yes, my senses are just a bit… sensitive right now.

 

**GENJI:** I’m surprised you realized I was still here.

 

**ANA:** duh, your spirit dragons let me know where you are all the time.

 

**MCCREE:** Who are you talking to?

 

**ANA:** Genji.

 

**MCCREE:** Genji is here?

 

**GENJI:** See?  Us being together might amplify our abilities.  By a lot.

 

**ANA:** it’s funny watching you wave your hand in front of them and them not having reactions.  I wonder if telepathy is a dragon thing too.  or teleportation… THE POSSIBILITIES!

 

**HANZO:** My god, I can sense everyone on Gibraltar... are we expecting a boat?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** No?  There’s a boat nearby?

 

**ANA:** _ In and Yo are acting defensive.  I don’t think we’re waiting for a boat. _

 

**GENJI:** Am I still invisible to them?

 

**MCCREE:** _ JESUS!  _  Where the hell did you come from?

 

**GENJI:** I’ve been standing here the whole time.

 

**MCCREE:** Wait, really?

 

**GENJI:** No, I stole your pants.

 

**ANA:** AHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

**MCCREE:** What in tarnation?!  How in the hell did you get my PANTS without me noticing?

 

**GENJI:** Mmmmmmagic.  About the boat, is it Talon?

 

**REAPER:** **_Shouldn’t be.  Sombra?  Widow?_ **

 

**WIDOWMAKER:** Not that I know of.

 

**SOMBRA:** How should I know?

 

**SOMBRA:** Okay, okay, stop looking at me like that.  I don’t know, but it isn’t Talon.

 

**MCCREE:** Do we have a visual of this boat?

 

**SOMBRA:** Here.

 

**MCCREE:** Ah, shit.

 

**ANA:** I recognize this symbol.

 

**REAPER:** **_As do I.  Jesse…_ **

 

**MCCREE:** Deadlock.

 

**ANA:** am i allowed to destroy it myself?

 

**HANZO:** Yumi and Yanagi want to as well.

 

**GENJI:** Our dragons seem to be very violent lately.  I think it might be the lack of ramen in the base.

 

**MERCY:** What?

 

**GENJI:** I’m kidding.  But they need to let out some energy.  It’s making our abilities quite sensitive and difficult to control.

 

**HANZO:** I’d much rather not see everything in infra sight and hear every sound and smell every smell…

 

**GENJI:** Jesse, put on your pants.

 

**ANA:** yeah man we know you have a thing for hanzo but please.

 

**MCCREE:** WELL  _ WHERE DID YOU PUT MY PANTS? _

 

**GENJI:** On Reaper.

 

**REAPER:** **_¡QUÉ MIERDA!_ **

 

**REAPER:** **_HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET JESSE’S PANTS ON ME?_ **

 

 **GENJI:** Mmmmmagic.

 

**REAPER:** **_DAMMIT WHERE DID YOU GO?_ **

 

**GENJI:** Going to the boat byyyyyyye~!

 

**MCCREE:** Where did Ana and Hanzo go?

 

**MCCREE:** Goddammit.

 

**[Dragonites]**

 

**ANA:** i can tell that mccree wanted to come with but with his ties in deadlock… actually we should bring him along. he might wanna kill some people.

 

**GENJI:** i’m alright with this.

 

**HANZO:** as am i.

 

**[COMMUNICATOR TRANSCRIPT]**

 

**MCCREE:** Why in the hell did you leave me there?  Without pants?  And put it on Reyes?

 

**GENJI:** Comedic effect and distraction.  Hello.

 

**ANA:** Did you or did you not want to help us sink this boat?

 

**MCCREE:** Shouldn’t we check if there are innocents in there first?  Possible recruits?  I mean… c’mon.  There could be kids in there.

 

**ANA:** How sweet, because Reyes picked you up from Deadlock as a kid, right?

 

**MCCREE:** Uh, somethin’ like that.

 

**REAPER:** **_What are you all up to?_ **

 

**ANA:** What do  _ you  _ think?

 

**REAPER:** **_Right.  You and the kid have a history with Deadlock._ **

 

**MCCREE:** Ana has a history with Deadlock?

 

**ANA:** Yes and no.  I was in charge of watching the gang.  I never partook in the siege where Overwatch, AKA Reyes, picked you up.

 

**MCCREE:** Watching how?

 

**ANA:** To find out every member, their ages, stories, names, friends, family, what was being transported, if Deadlock was being an issue, their daily routines-

 

**MCCREE:** Alright, alright, I got it… Yeesh do you write that shit down?

 

**ANA:** No, I memorize it all.

 

**MCCREE:** ...Wait, really?

 

**REAPER:** **_That’s why she’s assigned watch over, plus the fact that she’s a heavily trained sniper with a ridiculously keen mind and eye for detail._ **

 

**ANA:** There are still things that everyone doesn’t know about me.

 

**ANA:** That I’m ambidextrous, that’s a thing.  Let’s see… People called in various psychiatrists for me when I was younger because I would always tell a people random facts about how they could die.

 

**MCCREE:** Somehow not surprised.

 

**ANA:** I have never had a crush.

 

**MCCREE:** ...See now THAT surprises me.

 

**ANA:** Why does  _ that  _ surprise you?

 

**MCCREE:** Don’t you need a mate to get pregnant to have Pharah?

 

**ANA:** **_Nobody speaks of Pharah’s father._ **

 

**REAPER:** **_Oh boy.  Cutting to the chase.  What are you all going to do with the boat?  It’s docking now._ **

 

**ANA:** Oh shit yeah that uhhh, Hanzo make sure nobody escapes.  A sonic arrow would be appreciated.  Genji, check everyone on board for weapons and stay hidden.  Take this camera with you.  McCree, take this and if you see anyone you recognize or want to interrogate, tell us.

 

**MCCREE:** Roger.

 

**GENJI:** Understood.

 

**HANZO:** Of course.

 

**ANA:** Then again I might already recognize them myself so I’ll stay back with McCree to keep an eye out.

 

**REAPER:** **_And me?_ **

 

**ANA:** I will tell you if you are needed.  You were never part of my plan, but if things go south, then I will call for you.

 

**REAPER:** **_Well that makes me feel needed._ **

 

**ANA:** Genji, if you need help, jump high where I can see you.

 

**GENJI:** Indeed I shall do just that.

 

**ANA:** Let’s go Dragonites and Americans!

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**MERCY:** Should we be worried?

 

**REINHARDT:** Nah.

 

**TORBJÖRN:** Nope.

 

**PHARAH:** I’m not.

 

**SOMBRA:** I mean weirder shit has happened.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** They’re fine.

 

**WINSTON:** As long as Ana is there, I see nothing wrong.

 

**MERCY:** You all seem to forget that she’s one of the wild cards in Overwatch.

 

**JUNKRAT:** AREN’T WE ALL MATE?

 

**MERCY:** Okay, I suppose that’s true.

 

**D.VA:** What was that noise?

 

**ANA:** THE LOVELY SOUND OF GUNFIRE!

 

**MERCY:** I’m still unsure if I should be worried.

 

**ANA:** we’re fine.

 

**MERCY:** If you say so.

 

**ANA:** i think it's pretty cool that even though i de-aged like 40 years that i still have the cyber eye.  super helpful.  whoops, gotta check in with mccree!  later nerds

 

**TRACER:** I’m certain they’re fine.

 

**REAPER:** **_I thought I’d come and update you all on the situation._ **

 

**REAPER:** **_Ana is sleep darting any non-lethals on the boat.  McCree is helping identify each individual.  I lost track of Genji but that’s normal.  Hanzo is making sure nobody escapes._ **

 

**REAPER:** **_Overall a very chill day._ **

 

**REAPER:** **_Mostly because watching other people is kind of entertaining._ **

 

**SOMBRA:** I hacked into Genji’s camera and can give you details on everyone there if you’d like.

 

**REAPER:** **_McCree says that’d be helpful since he has a difficult time recognizing any of these people.  He’s not even sure if it’s Deadlock._ **

 

**ANA:** They’re from Deadlock but these are newer recruits.  The captain is onboard somewhere…

 

**REINHARDT:** Oh shit proper sentences!  This is serious then?

 

**ANA:** I might have an idea of who became Captain of this boat.

 

**ANA:** Hint: the Captain is  _ not  _ from Deadlock.

 

**SOMBRA:** Holy shit.

 

**REAPER:** **_Holy shit._ **

 

**GENJI:** Guys holy shit.

 

**HANZO:** Holy shit.

 

**MERCY:** WHAT?!


	9. NEW PLAYER HAS ENTERED THE ARENA

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**WINSTON:** _ DOOMFIST? _

 

**ANA:** The third one, yeah.

 

**REAPER:** **_What are you doing._ **

 

**ANA:** gonna say hi

 

**WINSTON:** WHAT?

 

**GENJI:** She’s walking towards him.

 

**HANZO:** Even the Shimada clan had a disastrous encounter with a Doomfist.

 

**GENJI:** Uh, they’re just talking to each other.

 

**WINSTON:** She’s nonchalantly talking with a Doomfist?

 

**GENJI:** Yes, what do you think I just typed?

 

**REINHARDT:** Ana was never afraid of confronting people.

 

**REINHARDT:** Always a valuable asset to the team.

 

**REINHARDT:** Until Reyes and Morrison had a petty fight and blew up Swiss HQ.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I didn’t blow it up.  That was Reyes.

 

**REAPER:** **_No I didn’t.  I thought that was you._ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Wait, really?

 

**REAPER:** **_So then it was neither of us._ **

 

**ANA:** honestly I thought it was morrison.  his hot head as a poster boy for overwatch and all, the UN wanted morrison as the commander even though reyes was way more qualified to be so.

 

**ANA:** i'm fine with winston being commander but i have a little issue considering he defeated a doomfist before.

 

**WINSTON:** Are you asking what I think you’re asking…?

 

**ANA:** doomfist wants to be a part of overwatch and got these guys to haul his ass here.  so these poor deadlockies are gonna be heading back to wherever the hell they came from and we get a damn powerful soldier to join us.  whaddaya say?

 

**WINSTON:** You know what?  Sure.  We practically have three enemies on our team now, why not a godlike  _ tank  _ with a gauntlet that can level all of Gibraltar?

 

**JUNKRAT:** OI, TO BE FAIR ME AND ROADIE COULDA BLOWN UP THE PLACE MORE THAN WE ALREADY HAVE.

 

**GENJI:** Yo, Doomfist is fucking chill!  He appreciates my stealth because he didn't even realize I was there!

 

**HANZO:** I’m surprised I couldn’t sense his large form earlier.

 

**SOMBRA:** For a large man he is incredibly stealthy.

 

**ANA:** i told him my original plan was to just sink the boat and he said ‘same’ and also said he planned to swim here

 

**ANA:** i like this guy

 

**ANA:** do we have a spare communicator?

 

**MERCY:** We do, in the commons room.

 

**ANA:** Genji?

 

**GENJI:** On it.

 

**[DOOMFIST] entered [Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**DOOMFIST:** Hello?

 

**TRACER:** Heya!

 

**ANA:** welcome to the chatroom!

 

**WINSTON:** Communications channel*

 

**ANA:** it's a chatroom

 

**DOOMFIST:** Does this communicator mean I’m part of the team now?

 

**WINSTON:** I have an announcement to make  **@everyone**

 

**ANA:** ?

 

**WINSTON:** I now decree that Ana is the new commander of Overwatch.  This job sucks.

 

**ANA:** wait what

 

**SOLDIER:76:** ???

 

**REAPER:** **_???_ **

 

**REINHARDT:** Congratulations!

 

**ANA:** hold the fuck up

 

**DOOMFIST:** So, who I talked to is now the commander?

 

**WINSTON:** Yes.  I chose her because of her judgment of character and overall overpowered self that could probably defeat even a Doomfist in an arm wrestling match with his gauntlet.

 

**ANA:** so i have complete control over overwatch and it's planning and files and  _ everything? _

 

**WINSTON:** You’re starting to make me regret this decision.

 

**ANA:** so can i choose captains then?  like we all have sorta captains already but they aren't official or anything.

 

**WINSTON:** I suppose so.

 

**ANA:** SWEET.  k alright i want genji to be a captain, reinhardt to be a captain, tracer to be a captain, and finally…

 

**TRACER:** You want  _ me  _ to be a captain?

 

**ANA:** duh you’re like super trustworthy and a wonderful person

 

**TRACER:** Aw, thanks luv!

 

**GENJI:** Wait, me too?

 

**REINHARDT:** I am confused.

 

**ANA:** wow you guys seem surprised and i haven't even mentioned the last captain yet

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Is it me?

 

**ANA:** no you poster boy

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Is it Reyes?

 

**ANA:** i thought about it but no

 

**HANZO:** Then who?

 

**ANA:** mccree

 

**REAPER:** **_WHAT_ **

 

**SOLDIER:76:** WHAT

 

**MCCREE:** Hold up,  _ what? _

 

**GENJI:** I knew it.

 

**PHARAH:** What about me?

 

**ANA:** you may be my child but you don't have the correct mindset to be a captain.

 

**GENJI:** OH.  I get why she chose us.

 

**ANA:** keep it a secret ;)

 

**MCCREE:** I don’t get it.

 

**ANA:** i’ll pm u

 

**Direct message with [ANA] and [MCCREE]**

 

**ANA:** it's cuz you all are the most entertaining to be around

 

**MCCREE:** wait really?

 

**ANA:** yeah

 

**MCCREE:** so does this mean i'm promoted?

 

**ANA:** you will have to do a bit more paperwork but get access to better bits of information for missions and shit 

 

**MCCREE:** i probably won't do much paperwork and if i do it’d be last minute

 

**ANA:** the same could be said about genji, rein, and tracer.

 

**MCCREE:** this is true.  we like being on the field more.

 

**ANA:** i’ll accept informal reports since i'm commander now so you don't have to be like, “The current situation in the northern hemisphere is hectic and here’s why:”

 

**ANA:** instead you can write, “shits going down up north because of ___”

 

**MCCREE:** okay yeah i can deal with that.  winston was always big on formality.

 

**ANA:** i never sent anything formal to him.  he gave up after the first 23 reports.

 

**MCCREE:** lol

 

**MCCREE:** since i'm a captain, who should i be watching over?

 

**ANA:** i put you in charge of the talon crew and morrison.  plus one more.  here's the list

 

**ANA:**

  * REAPER
  * SOLDIER:76
  * SOMBRA
  * WIDOWMAKER
  * DOOMFIST



 

**ANA:** and then i’ll just say the rest in the other chat

 

**MCCREE:** you're putting me in charge of doomfist?

 

**ANA:** yes

 

**MCCREE:** well alrighty then

 

**[Overwatch Emergency Communications]**

 

**ANA:** i'm back to announce which captain is in charge of whom.

 

**ANA:** here's the list.

 

**ANA:**

_ McCree- _

  * Reaper
  * Soldier:76
  * Sombra
  * Widowmaker
  * Doomfist



_ Reinhardt- _

  * Torbjörn
  * Zarya
  * Mei
  * Symmetra
  * Winston



_ Genji- _

  * Hanzo
  * Zenyatta
  * Bastion
  * Junkrat
  * Roadhog



_ Tracer- _

  * D.Va
  * Pharah
  * Mercy
  * Lúcio



 

**ANA:** and then i'm in charge of everyone so yeah that's it 

 

**REINHARDT:** Interesting development.

 

**ANA:** i think the captain choices are great because you’re all part of the old overwatch.

 

**GENJI:** I am okay with this.

 

**HANZO:** Genji is my superior?

 

**GENJI:** Ha!  I am.

 

**HANZO:** I’m not sure I like this…

 

**ANA:** suck it up you murdered him and this is your punishment

 

**GENJI:** _ Ohhhhhhhhhhh! _

 

**HANZO:** May I swap spots with Doomfist?

 

**MCCREE:** Sorry darlin’, it’s like this for a reason.

 

**ANA:** ^

 

**ANA:** anyways we should get those deadlock kids home.

 

**DOOMFIST:** I’m not sure if I should intrude the conversation, however, I have a lot of questions.

 

**ANA:** shoot

 

**DOOMFIST:** Well, alright.

  1. Where will I stay?  I am quite large in nature.
  2. How do I train?  Must I take off my gauntlet?
  3. Did Winston say you could beat me in arm wrestling with my gauntlet _on?_
  4. How old are you?  You seem very young to be a war veteran.
  5. Will me being here be a problem for Winston?  I know the other Doomfist’s past.



 

**ANA:** alright

  1. mccree will show you your room.  we have plenty of spaces for large structured people.
  2. you can train with me and reinhardt and zarya since we’re all pretty strong.
  3. yes
  4. 60
  5. if winston has a problem he can take it up with me, but you’re cool here.



 

**DOOMFIST:** You’re 60?  You look 20!

 

**ANA:** yeeeah it's the dragon’s fault

 

**DOOMFIST:** What dragons?

 

**ANA:** you’ll find out

 

**DOOMFIST:** Sounds ominous.

 

**GENJI:** It can be.

 

**DOOMFIST:** How can such a small young female’s body possibly rival the gauntlet?

 

**REINHARDT:** You’d be surprised!  She broke my arm!

 

**ZARYA:** She beat me with ease.

 

**DOOMFIST:** Zarya?  As in Aleksandra Zaryanova?  The infamous weightlifter and bodybuilder?

 

**ZARYA:** Yes.

 

**DOOMFIST:** There is no way this woman beat you.

 

**ZARYA:** It is true.  There were various bets and everything.

 

**DOOMFIST:** I must test her strength.

 

**ANA:** keep your gauntlet on or i might break your arm since i’ll be going full strength.

 

**ANA:** heheh, hey doomfist

 

**DOOMFIST:** Yes?

 

**ANA:** wanna carry my rifle for me? 

 

**GENJI:** Oh God.

 

**DOOMFIST:** Alright.

 

**GENJI:** Dangling it like that will make him feel worse Ana.

 

**ANA:** do you prefer carrying things with your non gauntlet hand?

 

**DOOMFIST:** It should suffice.

 

**ANA:** well here ya go

 

**[COMMUNICATOR TRANSCRIPT]**

 

**DOOMFIST:** Whoa!  What in the world?

 

**ZARYA:** Right?

 

**DOOMFIST:** It weighs as much as a car!

 

**ANA:** Actually, a bit more than the standard car.

 

**DOOMFIST:** How does a weapon weigh this much?  My gauntlet is only a fourth of a car!

 

**ANA:** Custom made parts.  Everything was too light for me.  This is comfortable.

 

**DOOMFIST:** Now I  _ really  _ want to challenge you to arm wrestling.

 

**ANA:** eh later.  isn't it nearing the holidays?

 

**TRACER:** D: I almost forgot!

 

**ANA:** aren’t we gonna do the holiday party soon?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** Oh shit, right.  That was a thing.

 

**GENJI:** Man oh man the holiday parties are always so fun!

 

**ANA:** ooooooh should we have the drinking competition again?

 

**MCCREE:** But you never participate.

 

**ANA:** oh woe is me, alcohol is my only weakness!  I dont drink.

 

**REAPER:** **_I bet I can beat Jesse._ **

 

**MCCREE:** I wouldn’t doubt it, but I also wouldn’t doubt that you’d pass out before we even handed out gifts.

 

**REINHARDT:** I bet I could beat you both!

 

**ANA:** you’re a lightweight.

 

**REINHARDT:** That is a lie!

 

**TORBJÖRN:** It’s pretty truthful.

 

**MERCY:** Reinhardt, even  _ I  _ can drink more than you.

 

**REINHARDT:** I have never seen you drink.

 

**MERCY:** You must have never seen my storage of liquor then.  This job is stressful.

 

**ANA:** we’ll have a drinking competition then.  anything else for the party?

 

**LÚCIO:** I can help decorate!

 

**REAPER:** **_I can make the ugly sweaters._ **

 

**REAPER:** **_What?  All you newbies seem surprised._ **

 

**HANZO:** You  _ make  _ clothes?

 

**MCCREE:** Damn right he does.  Mighty fine at doin’ it, too.

 

**D.VA:** Aren’t you like, edgy?

 

**REAPER:** **_Nothing says ‘edgy’ more than sewing and knitting needles._ **

 

**ANA:** cool cool, i'm actually gonna get tracer’s team to decorate.  mccree’s team other than edgelord is on food duty.  everyone else can plan out games and how to make this party a blast!

 

**JUNKRAT:** DID SOMEONE SAY BLAST?

 

**ANA:** junkrat, i have a special duty for you.  and morrison, you too.  because you suck at cooking.

 

**SOLDIER:76:** I do not!

 

**ANA:** what happened to ‘eating meat raw’?

 

**SOLDIER:76:** ...I just like it uncooked.

 

**DOOMFIST:** I am highly confused.

 

**JUNKRAT:** EY, ME TOO.  WHADDAYA WANT FROM ME NOW?

 

**ANA:** come outside, it's a secret

 

**JUNKRAT:** WELL ALRIGHTY.

 

**GENJI:** I have a bet that she’s gonna let him barbecue.

 

**HANZO:** I doubt it.

 

**REINHARDT:** I have an idea.

 

**D.VA:** Are you gonna say the idea?

 

**REINHARDT:** No, but it is a classic.

 

**MCCREE:** Genji, buddy, you’re smart.  Connect the dots.  It’s obvious.

 

**GENJI:** Oh.  OH.  OOOOOOHHHHH.  I get it now.

 

**ANA:** we’re back!

 

**JUNKRAT:** HOOHOOHOO, THIS PARTY IS GONNA BE EXPLOSIVE!

 

**ANA:** no hints or i’ll break your tire!

  
**JUNKRAT:** OKEY DOKEY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should be looking for a job.
> 
> instead im posting this for all to see.


End file.
